MR HAMMDI ♥

2012-01-30T01:47:00.001+08:00

today last day as a civilian cause i am going to be in the army tomorrow^^ had a wonderful last day of freedom with my JC classmates and wushu people~ had fun before i enter the NS!!! photos are up please tag yourself~~

anyway this post will be like a reminder of me in the future that i have great friends that support me so do your best in everything!! so just do your best in everything you put your heart into!!

i will clinch my slot to OCS and succeed in my army life! had a wonderful time chatting to manyun on facebook as the last person i chat with before army.. the feeling is like myself going overseas for a long time when i can get to go home every weekend.. my juniors will know their posting tomorrow and lead a brand new JC life, classmates going into university while for me i am going into the army.. everyone will be leading different lives via separate ways.. but fear not cause we will always be here for one another^^

just before i started this blog, i watched the National Geography's show about army life.. now i am getting mroe scared than usual.. am i really prepared?? i am still quite worried if i can survive these training to become a real man.. but everything will turn out fine!! a

better sleep now if not i will be so tired tomorrow.. night people.. no more blogging for a period of time~

ARGHH ARMY!!
DLXD TDD~

2012-01-21T01:11:00.000+08:00

ALRIGHT GUYS~~ as an official 19 years old.. i will like to express my gratitude to all those who wished me happy birthday~ and of course.. i will like to thank MY JUNIORS FOR THE WONDERFUL DAY^^

so early in the morning i was waken up by shimin's reply at 7am.. didn't sleep much after that but continued to nua until pearlyn sms-ed me around 9.45am.. so sister came and waited for me to change before setting off on our bike... arrived at admiralty and met up with darren and jun quan.. waited for shimin manyun and weejoon until 11am before we set off to the first check point: sembawang park!!

the route there was a torment x.x sister started to feel a bit giddy due to the hot sun after we reached sembawang mrt station so we parked her bike and sm gave her a free ride at the back seat.. there so many up slopes towards the sembawng park can... by the time we reach the park we were half dead!! so we found the spot that can see the sea and rest there for a while before setting off for lunch~

那些年我们无聊一起踏脚车到海边的日子~

after lunch the sky was like SOOO DARK!! weejoon felt a little unwell so darren let him sit at the back seat and cycled back to sembawang mrt station where he can take a bus ride back home.. junquan followed weejoon back while we waited at the void deck hiding from the rain~ had funny games like taking 4 photos with interval of 0.2s, guessing song names by listening to the beginning of the song~ and giving me my presents^^

so after the rain stopped the sun were like as big as usual.. HOT!! we abandon the plan about cycling to lower seletar and cycled back to admiralty... had to drop by SM house for a while to borrow some tools to tighten my seat if not it was damn difficult to cycle on x.x so when we reached causeway they somehow insisted they want to buy drinks but i insist that my house have everything so they just continued to my house.. no the interesting part!

when i reached.. they wanted to buy what poppers and red cloth for CNY whatever.. haha but i just went up my house without really caring anything, let them find what they want downstairs.. when i reached my door step, i ring my doorbell but my mum just keep saying wait! but when everyone came up, she finally opened up and sing birthday song holding a cake on her hand!!!!! haha thnaks uh^^ itw as a wonderful plan that i really stand there stunned!! first time having such a good birthday surprise^^

so we have our favourite game again: saboteur!! manyun paerlyn and shimin were like trying to play "happy birthday" on piano and manyun just keeps sitting there until we dragged her for the game... manyun is always the weird one that we can't figure out her identity in the game while junquan is the silent killer!! haha it is always fun playing with them! after that we had pizza for dinner~ eating until so full x.x hey initially said they wanted to leave around 7 or 8 but in the end stayed till 10pm^^ hahaha~ renping came around 8 to join in the fun chatting and looking at the study room~

wonderful night!

heart shape~

after all of them went back i asked my mum about the cake and realise that manyun and sm came to my house after me and pearlyn left to put the cake and inform about the plan~ that's why they were late! hahaha^^ and the poppers was meant for me when my mum brings out the cake.. hehehe^^

now about the present part!! i love all their cards!!! manyun one is as serious as usual~ talking about life and results~ hahaha pearlyn one was so sweet^^ saying things that really made me laugh at the end of the card!! touching sia=) sm one was funny.. at first it was so sweet until behind it became like 算旧帐 telling me what i had done to her the past few years~ hahaha and their presents are all nice too^^ i will definitely play the doraemon musical "box" when i am feeling down, wear the shirt for events and look into the album for THAT picture when i need motivations

PS. eh SM i hope the third last sentence is real!! hahaha

HAPPY 19!!

DLXD TDD~

2012-01-19T00:11:00.001+08:00

OH YEAH BABIES~~~ I AM OFFICIALLY 19!!!
DLXD TDD~~

2012-01-15T00:58:00.000+08:00

counting down 16 days... actually kind of bored now... so i just want to blog a bit more while still have the energy to.. lalala~~ i am so determined to go into OCS.. but my IPPT have to be gold x.x which means i have to run like 2.4km under 9 minutes or something.. trying to believe that i have the potential to run and will push myself (not too hard cause i am too young to die) for the sake of the OCS dinner!! hey running have always been a chore for me can!! for the sake of the dinner i am willing to run a LITTLE more^^

updated news =.= my cousin just told me that in every company.. there will be 16 sections.. each section there will be like only 1 person going into OCS.. good game~~ must piah damn hard already... haiz... so scary =/

alright its only 4 more days to my 19th birthday~ time flies man!! see how my little juniors help me celebrate.. haha

OH YEAH~

DLXD TDD~~

2012-01-13T00:40:00.000+08:00

alright... i wanted to type a long post but my space bar spoil so i have to like type on keyboard and "onscreen" monitor...

lol i gave up on typing using that keyboard so i am using the new one my friend gave me for my birthday~~ trying to get used to this new lovely keyboard..so... had many chalets in a row.. from fuchun friends to JC classmates.. had quite a lot of fun for consecutive 6 days~ prepared BBQ food ourselves for both the BBQ..

the fuchun one more happening.. MX somehow injured his ankle during the night cycling.. i have to be his personal assistant and carry him up and down slopes.. haiz.. i thought it will be a bad sprain or what but in the end it was some wound infection due to the black oil applied to the bike.. lalala i need to learn more about being a medics.. maybe i can be one in army.. but i want to be in OCS!! why?? cause i want go for the dinner!!! hahaha..

then is the JC chalet.. had BBQ twice! eat until quite sick of it.. hahaha.. didn't go for the WWW at the last day cause too tired already.. that one just had more HTHT that's all.. didn't do much also.. NUA ALL THE WAY~~

alright in the middle of the chalet.. received a lot news on results of my junior. all did so well!! so proud of them man.. all get rather good results to go great school of their choices.. make me feel inferior again.. i really hope this time round i can get good results to show my juniors that i can get good grades too!! AAA/A!!! haha if i really get that i might consider to be doctor~ lol crazy thoughts x.x

PS. i asked about the dinner stuff already but got weird reply... (hey i will really tie u up and drag u there if i got into OCS^^)

RAWR
DLXD TDD~~

2012-01-02T22:19:00.002+08:00

changes are inevitable i think.. just heard about the news that my former prefect mistress, ms wong, is leaving cchy to be a freelance editor... my former english cum geography teacher ms trixie lim also left cchy (to don't know where though).. teachers leaving every year.. wonder when will we have the chance to go back to the days in white uniform, seeing teachers that had once taught us important lessons in life...

i miss secondary school life.. JC life is not really worth mentioning cause i am quite oblivious to the surrounding... but secondary school is the fun place man!! how i miss the stupid times in school... from yesterday onward i will never be able to experience student price for public transport... haha time to grow up man.. counting down 27 days left to be in army... time to train real hard!!!

anyway i just realised that O levels results are out in just a week's time.. while A levels are out in around 2 more months.. hope mine was fine.. kind of scared every time i think back.. good luck to myself and my juniors~

DLXD TDD~

2012-01-02T03:45:00.002+08:00

busy holiday man~~ from wushu chalet to Taiwan trip and back for Prefect gathering... upcoming will be primary school chalet followed by the 1011B chalet (provided i plan it).. maybe my holiday is too busy.. got to slack a bit more before going into army.. counting down to 28 more days.. a bit scared now seriously... don't know what will it be like for me to enter the army..

yesterday was kind of happy day for me.. although i did not attend any countdown parties but i get to countdown with manyun online.. haha not really countdown cause she only appeared after the countdown has ended.. but i did call her to wish her happy new year while looking at the fire works at causeway from my house... people got free incoming call must make full use.. hahaha so my countdown for the arrival of 2012 is not bad i suppose..

ok lets talk about the prefect gathering... didn't regret planning it but the money that people owe me could be quite hard to get back.. lost about $300 currently T^T many people last minute didn't attend the gathering.. quite disappointed actually.. when you expect many to turn up yet only a small portion did, the disappointment is quite big.. nonetheless i had fun with those friends i had not seen for a long time.. haha happy happy~~ money wise i have good juniors to help me sorting them up so i shall not be too worried about it...

ok time for new year resolution!!! hmm.. i want to go OCS and ask some pretty girl for the dinner~ cool!! settle^^ hahahha

DLXD TDD~

2011-12-06T16:36:00.001+08:00

how i love planning~ (NOT FOR CHEMISTRY OR BIOLOGY) but planning sure gives me the headache when a lot of people's reply is "i am not sure leh confirm with you when the day is nearer kay?" haha makes my life so difficult~

but ok la i enjoy these kind of challenges i say.. its quite entertaining when i have to crack my brain to work out solutions for budgeting or venue in this case the prefect gathering... got to make it a splendid one and not let anybody down!! as for the wushu chalet i think i can handle it more or less impromptu.. experience taught me how.. haha

experience is like a useful tool in life.. practice makes perfect.. although there will never be a situation that the event i organised will be absolutely perfect, the sense of satisfaction will always be worth it when u see the people enjoying a thoughtfully organised gathering or chalet =) maybe i am doing a good deed~ hahaha

back to the problem.. should i book the chalet?? it is like eating up our money and i don't think i am rich enough to pay full cost for them.. hehe i am kind of broke at the moment and if they did not attend i might just die.. HAHA how uh?? money will never fail to haunt me man.. i don't want them to pay a lot for the gathering but at the same time i want to make it a good event so money is always necessary!! i hope i can strike lottery tomorrow and pay for them partially.. should i try my luck?? hahaha maybe i can go buy later for tomorrow since today no 4D or TOTO.. and i don't want the teachers to pay any money cause.. not nice of us right even though they earn big bucks.. hehe

DLXD TDD~

2011-11-29T18:48:00.001+08:00

let me share something interesting to me called predicting future (partially) in my dream!! ok so yesterday night i was dreaming about me marvin and chongwei going for a award ceremony for academic purpose.. i was awarded the top 5%~~~ (nice dream eh) but my dream never fails to bring in some actions and adventure so in the end i was fighting plus running away from something.. haha

and so the prediction: i was awarded something!!

afternoon when i was still in school, my sister called me telling me that i got the MOE award for the top 25% of the cohort!! (ok la its 20% difference but still worth it actually) sadly i cannot receive the money due to family income etc~

actually when i think back, i only receive such prizes like when i was P5, the top 10% scholarship, secondary 3 EAGLES award and no more? so this one is kind of a certified my efforts in JC.. its quite a pity that i rested through my prelim 2 if not i am quite sure i can get in to top 10% too!! but looking at the bright side, i am able to study well and kick the ass of my A levels with a clear mind because i had the 1 month break from the heavy fatigue accumulated these 2 years.. so i am just glad that at least i am the top 25% of the school..

ok thursday will be my last paper: biology MCQ!! love that paper cause i am very prepared for it!! today chemistry was tedious plus time consuming such that i barely finished on time.. just hope my accuracy will be 99% and be able to clinch an A for all my subjects!! seriously i think i did quite well and more confident compared to O levels.. hope my resolve will bring me my success~

last 10m to go~ time to sprint!
DLXD TDD~~

2011-11-20T01:25:00.001+08:00

must things always happens at the expense of the other? DAMN IT LA!!! freak...

my luck is really horrible man... can't go bintan, almost cannot get autograph.. after getting his autograph can't watch the movie the way i wanted.. i think what i did and said are more than enough... -angsty!- -freak the world- -basket-

lousy condition now actually.. although the autograph session is fun actually.. but we almost did not get his autograph.. almost died man! they said initially only 20 people can get and my heart sank... but after that when they say all can get, when i was queuing up to get the autograph, another news struck! haiz.. need to speak out what is on my mind clearly.. need a chance to make it or break it.. damn it!!!

ok got to focus on studies!! cannot let it affect me.. it is just a lost in motivation but it is still not the end! i am not giving up!!! but life is damn sian now.. seriously..

DLXD TDD~

2011-11-18T22:48:00.001+08:00

must things always occurs at the expense of the other? in the end i can't go bintan.. curse that boss!!! $345 for what?! bullshit think boss got money big uh... ARGHHH MY PRAYERS!!!

ok never mind.. if i get all my As for A level and not being able to go bintan then bintan, u are a good sacrifice i mean it T^T think positively.. as marvin says 塞翁失马,焉知非福 maybe it will be another BIG BIG surprise in disguise=) but still.. I WANT GO LA URGHHHHH!!! from 7 straight to NONE!! MY LIFE MAN!!!

ok stop dwelling over it.. but my sadness is beyond cure.. not only because of that.. but i ps the vongola T^T what is life man.. WHAT IS LIFE?! exams.. (thanks)

suddenly felt freaking emo cause i listen to the song by Kim Jong Kook Saying I Love You.. watching the MV makes my heart urghh!! i think in my life i am living in full of regrets.. HAIZ~~~~~~ never mind shall make myself happy by telling myself i am going to see my idol author tomorrow!! admire him and his work actually hop i can get to read more of this books.. i want to be like him!!!

ok moving on.. i want to do a lot of things now... except study.. but no mood.. even for the most interesting thing on earth also sound boring... haiz.. haiz.. can't stop sighing.. i am one unfortunate kid T^T

DLXD TDD~

2011-11-14T12:21:00.001+08:00

wow when i check who is looking at my blog just now.. i realised MX had just read my blog!! OMGYM~~ haha i linked him after that~ and i found jane's blog too... waaa seldom see people still blogging like me =.= ok back to main point!!

a long time since i woke up from a nightmare crying non-stop... i cannot really remember why i was crying but the this time was for my mother or something.. previous 2 times was because of my sis and brother.. make me so tired after waking up in the middle of the night and fell back asleep again.. in the end never turn up for the chemistry consultation.. hahahaha

hope today will not be as noisy as the previous days thanks to the lift upgrading programme.. okok time to MUG REAL BAD!!!

DLXD TDD~

2011-11-12T12:09:00.001+08:00

6 papers in a torturous week is OVER!! now left with the... P2 chemistry first den GSC den P3 biology den both paper 1 and i am a free bird!!! but it will still have to wait till like 3 weeks later =.= i think because of the hectic week i had, i felt like the exam is already over but IN FACT IT IS NOT!!! got to study again and get all the As i deserve!!

and i am looking forward to the movie 那些年我们一起追的女孩 with MY after the biology P3 next next week.. PRAY HARD the movie isn't out yet... PLEASE~~~~~~~~~~~ wondering who will go too.. haha up to her to decide~

ok back to studies after lunch... NO ONE IS AT HOME NOW!! only me this dumb bird staying here to study at home =.=

I WILL ACE THE EXAMINATION!!
DLXD TDD~

2011-10-23T21:05:00.001+08:00

counting down to A levels very soon.. time is really running out.. but i am not prepared.. time is not enough for me now.. i want to complete as many things as possible.. but when it comes to sister bugging you to teach her chinese and baby sitting cousin to do math, these are things you can't say no at all.. damn it!!!! wasted my time away teaching them guiding them to do stupid stuff that don't help me at all for my A levels and i have limited time for revision.. then mum still say never mind continue to ask waa the piss is beyond my control!!

ARGHHH freak!!!!!!! nothing is according to what i want now.. these 3 days are totally not productive cause my mum don't let me go out to study in library!! if not i could have done a lot more.. DAMN IT DAMN IT!!

i hate myself now.. think i said that every time.. haiz.. i really need find someone to talk to.. same old issue.. haiz.. people starting o levels tomorrow alr come on man.. no one have time for little troublesome person like me.. oh well.. i am on my own again..

DLXD TDD~

2011-10-18T22:01:00.003+08:00

i love the book 那些年我们一起追的女孩!!! and the song 那些年 by 胡夏~
i envy the author's secondary and JC life man... envy how much he could sacrifice for the girl he likes and envy the girl for receiving so much attention.. the more i read the book the more i am in love with the characters!! hahaha~ this is one of the few books that make me so emotionally stirred up compared to anime... books really make people go into their own world sometimes.. in my own world now the female lead is my goddess !! ^^

actually i really hope to be like the author and progress in the media area like drawing, directing and writing books.. but as i always says.. my interest was never my strength.. don't really have confidence in myself if i step into that area of jobs.. but nonetheless i am going to work very hard to win the girl i like in the future.. hope i can also experience that kind of love.. pure sweet and heart pumping love..

the movie will be out in november in the middle of my A levels.. can't really feel the A levels yet but i am quite worried if i am not prepared enough.. kind of stupid of me that totally screwed up my prelim.. but i know i can do it well at the end of the day.. not going to give up man~ inspired by the author to work really extra hard.. seriously speaking my world had been dominated by the goddess recently and i have no much feeling except feeling "sweet" for them and 'sad' at the same time.. the book have too much influence on my emotions.. haha that is why i love books so much.. chinese in particular~

ok i shall keep working hard and go watch the movie when i am done with 90% of my A levels before the show is removed from all the cinemas.. that one i will really jump down the buildings..wonder who should i ask to go watch with.. got to save my face in case i teared in the cinema.. haha

TOTALLY LOVE THE BOOK!!
DLXD TDD~

2011-10-06T19:03:00.001+08:00

damn it man~ today there was totally no sign of me on the top students list.. let myself down to the maximum.. sad.. but i am not going to give up.. i am fully recharged for this one last month of sprinting.. so i am going to work extra hard and show the school that i am the honourable and real top student...

mdm wong was like saying if me and beng were to get A for biology we will be like value adding like nobody's business.. hahaha.. for chemistry i am going to get A too... spent too much of my attention.. if i don't get A i will be terribly letting myself down.. now is my maths.. i have my foundation... now i am getting my form back.. these 4 weeks will be sufficient!! i am sure.. i have to be sure... i can't let mr ma down too... he said that i will be his A student.. i am going to be one.. lastly is GSC... i am not very confident in that nowadays given my lousy prelim results.. but i am still going to do all i can... read more and apply more.. never give up in ANY of my subjects!! for that i am the top student of innova!! damn it.. now i put all my pride in this i am not going to back down anymore... TIME TO STRIVE AS A VGOTS!!!

2011-09-18T16:08:00.000+08:00

i need someone to watch over me or at least get me to study!! i realise that i am getting more and more ill-disciplined when comes to study... maybe i really lost my interest in studies.. i wonder why suddenly.. now when i look back at my motivations i had.. i felt guilty instead of motivated.. damn it.. my head is getting crazy recently.. maybe it is the end of my good results.. please volunteer to help me whoever sees this...

hopeless..
DXLD TDD~

2011-09-16T17:48:00.001+08:00

have u ever dream about yourself dying? well i dream about it today.. rather.. i dreamed that i DIED today... it was a horrible train accident... a bit strange now that i recall.. the venue is like switching from a ship to a train.. but i remember clearly that i died in the train..

the memory was more clear at the "climax"? the train was falling from a great height, and everyone was trying to run upwards.. i was vomiting due to the great turbulence but still trying hard to go as high up as i could.. but at this moment the train just derailed and drop down.. i feel myself dropping from the back.. many things came across to my mind like firstly : "so.. i am going to die now? next followed by "is it going to be painful?" the next thing i know.. i knocked onto something.. yet i don't feel the pain... next comes the blank white for a few seconds before waking up..

everything was rather real.. i can feel the vomiting, the fall and the knocking.. also known as the last moment of my life.. still quite disturbed by that dream.. maybe it is hinting me that today's math will be a disaster... oh yes it did... never fail to make me feel damn stupid... swear that it will be the last time i will feel dumb.. never feel it during A levels..

maybe too many things have been going on in my mind.. making me feel cranky, angst and typically frustrated.. i actually typed 2 freaking long 7pages messages.. like anyone will read and not feel bored... realise that when i am tired, i tend to be most honest with myself... those messages i typed are truly from the bottom of my heart.. maybe 1 day i might just send out all.. that will be the day i gone crazy~

head bursting
DLXD TDD~

2011-08-30T16:59:00.002+08:00

i was bathing halfway when a small piece of memory strike across my mind.. it was an unhappy one.. i got back my O level results.. i am the only one that had a frown instead of a smile while all of the others were cheering away in the restaurant.. i was the only one not ordering any food as i really don't have any mood to eat..

but thanks to that phone call by manyun (wonder if she remembers) who really cheered me up and made me look at the brighter side.. after this small recollection i made up my mind once again.. i really want to call my other friends in NY and ask them out for a nice meal because i really did well for A levels.. i really want to go up on the stage to receive my certificate from my principal.. this is the first time i really put my mind into getting perfect score.. this is the first time i am working extra hard to make myself and my friends proud.. i don't want my face to be gloomy just because i did not put in all my efforts..

also.. i really hope this time when anyone who calls me is to cheer me on.. but never cheer me up.. i want to succeed in my JC.. at least that will be the only time in my education that i will be very proud of..

it feels weird.. i keep telling myself verbally that i have to work hard and be on par with my friends.. but verbal reminder eventually fades off.. it is only the memory that spurs me on to fight for what i want again.. the sad memory that i did not do well... and the happy one when she called me to cheer me up..

so this time.. i will work hard not only for myself.. it is for my friends and for manyun in particular.. i want to call her this time when i get back my results and tell her that the phone call she made 2 years ago really made an impact on my life.. sweet right? hahaha~

today will be the last day i am slacking.. tomorrow onward i will work as hard as i can to achieve what i promised on my blog..

memories for life

DLXD TDD~

2011-08-30T16:10:00.002+08:00

i detest myself for not being motivated to start on revision.. i hate my wrong judgement of not doing maths for the past few weeks.. i hate how lousy i am in my studies now.. worst of all i hate myself for not doing anything that will improve myself.. 4 days of holiday.. nothing productive came out... i need to wake up really soon.. i need to get a hold of myself.. if not my prelim 2 will be a gone case.. not to mention about my A levels... i need to be more disciplined from today onward.. i need to plan out my revision to scare myself and start doing what i should!!

maybe i am just fatigue of doing too much consistent work.. today is the last week of the term 3.. so fast my revision break is coming and counting down to less than 60 days to A levels.. i really doubt i can do it.. i am not prepared for anything at all.. halfway here halfway there... i am not prepared!! i need time... i need time for each subject and not just chemistry alone.. do i have a choice?? maybe i should and i had not chosen properly.. i think i had just overestimated myself again and again.. being complacent... i am stuck in a situation where i am not happy in both revision and playing.. i don't play in ease yet i don't feel like studying.. doubt many will experience the same way as i did..

damn it...

DLXD TDD~

2011-08-29T21:21:00.002+08:00

i am wasting my youth away~ by? not doing homework x.x ARGHHH no mood means no mood... it is time for me to rethink what is doing homework to me and have another break through in my results!! for now i am so only going to chat with CJE/CJA until i am feeling happy to start work again~

time for self reflection.. have i been working hard? NO =.= reason? i am getting a bit homework fatigue... i am losing my motivation for getting high results.. no feel!!!!!!

so my remedy for this kind of problem... have a nice long chat with friends, preferably girls x.x and get back my feel~ i am easily influenced by others so if the other party can makes me want to start on work again means she/he not a bad friend~

so now let me think again... do i want to get what i aimed for A levels? is it possible??

frankly speaking i have somehow given up for the time being.. i want to spend time for myself... i hope this is able to help me run faster in the future.. i am wasting my time now and i will make up for the time by using more efficient means..

so now.. i shall say that.. LET ME SLACK TILL MY HEART CONTENT!!! i will make up for it and i am NOT being complacent now~

quite happy

DLXD TDD~

2011-08-21T00:24:00.002+08:00

how can a weekend even be enough?!?!?! BULLSHIT!! why can't people just do things they should and stop relying on busy people like me?! bullshit.. selfish... it's getting late and i am not even near to finish what i should today.. what a sucking weekend.. CHEMISTRY IS GETTING REALLY CRAZY!! seriously it is not the only subject i have exam this year and they are forcing us like nobody's business.. seriously i have enough of all these already..

ARGH!!! i can't even have little time for myself... i wanted to do something fun without feeling guilty for not studying.. 70+ days left and i am not even done with revising my bio or even math.. everything is only on chemistry.. GP prelim is next week and i have no time for it... WHAT CAN BE WORSE!!?!!!

bullshit.. life is full of bullshits.. everything is not going on my will recently... suck this feelings...

FML

DLXD TDD

2011-08-09T18:50:00.002+08:00

oh yeah man!!!! i decided not to do chemistry for today!!!! i am such a good boy^^ (for biology and math)

oh well i feel like writing + drawing + playing with my childhood toys!! hahaha~ i also feel like sleeping + eating + dancing around~~~ but i hate my sense of guilt that is stopping me from doing all these... the strong sense of responsibility is restricting me to do a lot of things...

woo the national day parade is ongoing now.. but i am not interested at all.. hahaha~ not really into the mood of celebrating the festive season cause i don't feel anything now... maybe i will just watch the fire works later..

going to have dinner now~~ after that come back do homework (maybe do my GSC essay or maybe math but not chem i swear)

PUSHING HARD!!!!

DLXD TDD~

2011-07-30T00:44:00.002+08:00

i always believe that hard works will always be rewarded... maybe it does not show in my prelim 1 but i know it will work out somehow in the near future!

on thursday there is this speaker from MCYS who shared with her experience of her school like and said no matter how hard she try she will never get an A for her math .. then she commented that some times there are just things that you cannot do well in life and don't dwell over it.. but once again in Singapore, is there anything related to academic that we can don't do well??

i tried hard this time for biology and gotten some kind of results.. but it is not enough.. the result i get is unable to cover up the marks i lost in maths! thanks to math i became the 3rd in class.. stupid!!!!

lowest ranking point thus far in innova.. 49! haiz.. it is not that the prelim is extremely hard or what but i think i should have done better.. especially for math.. i was lucky to pass this time thanks to my paper 1.. it is this paper that pulled me down by another 4 to 5 ranking points..

worse now i am starting to loose touch with not only math but also the whole of biology.. waa i hate myself x.x people can get like top 10 in all the same subject i took with her and i am here rotting with shit results.. homework is making me unable to breath properly now.. my head is gone case sooner or later.. education makes you dumb! (sadly)

today sports day.. boring =.= cause there is no MILO TRUCK!! basket 100 plus only sponsor so little i basically did not drink a sip before it ran out... then all the stupid things here and there and every where.. i admitted i had some fun but it is not enough to replenish my energy lost due to studies...

DID I MENTION I AM IN THAT STUPID EARLY BIRD PROGRAM?! they changed the system from being late 3 times in a TERM into late 3 times in a YEAR for someone to be punished by reaching school at 0730 for 10 days... freak them man if i knew i will turn around and head HOME! stupid.. why are they giving me so much trouble with all this stupid stuff when i already have a hard time waking up for school?!

ok basically i am reaching my limit soon.. now i will still continue to work hard and continue to hit my target!! cause i still believe in hard work more than born intelligence

DLXD TDD

2011-07-25T20:54:00.002+08:00

tomorrow will be the NS check up part II.. interview sia... scary to the max... i totally have no idea what to reply if they ask me things like : tell me about yourself.. (scared i brag too much ah.. hahaha)

actually i am still wondering if i should take up the role as commando if they ask.. or will they ask? i never really wanted to go in badly but at the same time i want to take up all opportunities seriously.. so what should i say if they ask if i am interested to join them.. haiz... wonder how tomorrow will turn out..

homework is seriously turning me upside down these few days.. i may just die due to lack of sleep + exercise... or even due to lack of entertainment x.x i am left with 2 hours to finish what i have left for the next 2 days... term 3 is really pushing me to my limits... terrible!!! i am seriously looking forward to the year end chalet where i can have fun after the whole year of studies.. before that i need to buck up more on studies..

have been neglecting math and biology these 2 weeks.. totally have no time to revise them at all.. thanks to chemistry.. everything is just over taxing me and i may just die sooner or later... i really want to do well this A levels and leave no regrets... have to stop using computer for so long already..

life is tough

DLXD TDD~

2011-07-24T19:15:00.002+08:00

YOO HOO~~

suddenly got this feel to blog^^ haha just watched HARRY POTTER DH partII the day before!! that marks the end of my childhood as many fans said... it is such a wonderful 10 years growing up with the actors.. saying how pretty/ ugly they become over the years.. haha!! i watched with a bunch of special people~ no regrets! hahaha~ after my A levels i will reread the whole saga again! it is too cool to be true=)

alright next up is my school life again.. finally stepped down as SC (dreadful year) hahaha but it ended quite well with a bunch of funny friends~ school work is never ending and i really wonder if i can finish them all... i am sick and tired of doing them already i swear.. just 1 chemistry revision will take my whole weekend..

life is going to be tough from today onward... lack of sleep will just be the appetizer for this 4 months before my A levels... after the stupid A i will CONFIRM and DOUBLE CONFIRM do what i have been planning for these few months!!

ok so i shall have my dinner now and MUG!!! need to finish another mountain of homework before i can sleep peacefully later~

OH YEAH BABY~~~

DLXD TDD~

2011-07-14T19:00:00.002+08:00

result out for most of my papers.. how can i just have average results?!

maths was a disappointment... my statistic pulled my overall grade down like nobody's business... haiz.. i am so ashamed by the ugly results.. even though i passed my overall, i hate to see the lousy grades..

chemistry was rather bad too.. but overall i was the 9th in cohort.. but i felt that i had performed lousily this time round too.. i only hope that my biology will make me feel better.. spent too much time on it and neglected other subjects... main reason for the downfall of my math this time..

GSC was also badly done... could have gotten at least a better grade actually... got to work harder than usual... at least i managed to pass my GP this time round too.. time to raise my standards on the essay.. time to buck up more than what i did for prelim 1!

what is bothering me is the result not proportional to my efforts.. but i believe that 1 day what i have work so hard for will pay off eventually.. i don't recognise those people who do well this time round when they never put in any hard work.. it is just luck... lady luck will come to my side when i am more ready for other exams...

lastly........ i got this further vocational assessment for NS =.= need to go for many check ups and assessments to be chosen for commando sia.. i scared i am not good enough for it.. i ahve no knowledge on commando stuff plus i am totally not really committed into NS.. i don't know if i can take the harsh training..

however if i am given a chance to be one i don't think i will just let it go.. it is actually a good opportunity for some personal upgrading at the same time it is a rare chance.. even if i cannot get in i think i will just try my best to go through the interview... have to start training back for the physical assessments too x.x

i will do better next time and score perfect A for all my subjects in A levels!!

DLXD TDD~

2011-07-10T03:54:00.002+08:00

basically i had loads of fun this week~ 1011B class outing part 1,2 and 3!!

had movie with class on tuesday~ watched Mr Popper's Penguin and had dinner at town after pool session~ not bad sia~~ haha joey joined us for dinner and met agnes and amirah for the first time.. fellow 1011B people in my JC life.. doesn't matter if you left my JC life early or joined in late^^

wednesday was fun too~ i organised a trip to SENTOSA!! haha 1011B second time to sentosa but this is much more fun i swear!! hahaha we played the legendary "CIRCLE OF DEATH" it was pretty awesome playing with the class and eating the chips together=) everything was much relaxed after prelims.. was so tensed up during the june holidays..

thursday was a little of a spoiler as we have to attend biology lecture... got back my papaer 1 and paper 2 section A result.. disappointing... i studied hard for it and yet it was not up to expectations.. had to work harder next time...

friday was college day aka boring day.. haha~ but we went for our part 3 outing to pool and bowling~ it was both jia en's first time there and somehow i felt like i was a bad influence.. hahaha.. but once a while to relax wasn't much of a bad idea~

i forgot to mention that i went to funan digital mall on monday to buy some additional stuff for my camera~ first time there and i am in love with the shop TK PHOTO!! haha they sure have a lot of nice things inside^^ i am going to be a professional photographer and buy more lens for extra earning plus hobby~ spent over $125 for the air pump, lens pen and add-on wide angle lens.. the rest will come in $1000 over x.x but only after i master the skills and start working for it!

lastly, HP 7 is really coming out and i can't wait!!! this is the final one and i am so going to watch with someone special... hope everything turns out well with the special one^^

HAPPY!!!

DLXD TDD~

2011-07-03T21:57:00.002+08:00

seriously what's wrong with the the school?! NOTHING IS!! for goodness sake man... if the school is bad there is only 1 reason.. lousy students...

i had been to the CCHS 72nd school anniversary yesterday and i realised that the school is really doing well.. but i am very worried for this batch.. cause i really doubt the student's ability in term of thinking... i don't really want to pin point here but can people just simply grow up and stop going against something just because you cannot accept the change?!

i understand that it is your freedom to comment anything on facebook... but can youngster nowadays be more tactful?! it is not your world and you can say anything you like.. i know that there will be people supporting your idea but please man GROW UP!!'

seriously i am pissed off by stupid people who think highly of themselves, who only look at small details that benefit themselves.. what's worse is they don't get the real intention of what other people are doing and ASSUME that they know everything!!! SUCKERS

so if you guys don't stop one day... i might just say it in your face that you guys are pathetic, shallow and ungrateful bunch of brats

PISSED

DLXD TDD~

2011-06-25T01:50:00.003+08:00

and here i am.. half studying half using computer... exams is just 2 days away man~~ how i hate this feeling... i think i had enough.. now is just letting the fate play me.. 3 weeks seriously isn't enough yeah? sometimes i just hate my dilly dally attitude... i can actually watch the whole of an anime (super touching by the way^^) for the whole of yesterday... and today i am not productive at all.. i am left with tomorrow and the following before the massive prelim 1 week.. but if i really did not do well.. i deserve it... i know what i must be responsible for..

anyway side track a bit.. had my NS check up on tuesday.. i hate needles =.= but oh well it went quite smoothly.. but i found out i am myopic.. haiz.. one of the only few good things i think i portray is having a good eye sight.. and this good trait has been taken away from me.. i am not very guilty actually.. i took care of my eyes every now and then.. but i don't think i will get myself a new pair of spectacles.. i have my ego of not wearing one!

was quite down for having to wear a spectacles actually... oh well.. now i think i have to depend more of my other senses then~ the other sad thing... i don't have much of courage to speak to her.. haiz... damn it idiot!! chances are obviously given to me and i just let it go like this every now and then... la la la... i think i just have to you know... depend on anime for motivations now..

i am alone once again~

DLXD TDD~

2011-06-19T19:33:00.002+08:00

it's the last week of the holiday... means my study time is left with a week too.. oh man.. this is really bad... i am really short of time to complete my studies.. and i must buck up!! wasted too much tie recently.. could have been more productive everyday.. there is nothing i can do now but to double up on my efficiency... i have to do it or i am such a loser..

this week is the painful week... cause there is this NS checkup that needs my BLOOD!!! i hate needles... oh gosh...

baby i love you and i'll never let you go~

- Never be replaced

DLXD TDD~

2011-06-12T22:11:00.003+08:00

second week of holiday has passed... overall i don't think i am doing well for my revisions... i am bad at this man... i just feel like talking to people.. and not really concentrating on studies... can i really let myself be free for 1 day without destroying my plan on studies? i know that i will be able to enjoy for 1 week after my prelim 1 but this is not working out well...

addicted to the song "KISS- because i'm a girl" thanks to ellie for posting the MV long time ago and i can't really stop listening to it... the MV was great and have been going to watch it every now and then... i am also listening to it repeatedly on my itunes or phone.. haha nice songs are just hard to forget...

hehe realise that ellie and jiaen both work more in the night like me.. haha this is fun... sleep in the morning working at night... maybe that's why i am different from a lot people... la la la~ but if it is not obstructing my studies i don't find any reason not doing it actually~

time to work real hard!!

DLXD TDD~

2011-06-09T20:02:00.003+08:00

LION KING WAS SUPERB!!

haha went all the way to MBS to catch lion king musical yesterday with rayner~ i tell you.. it's beyond what i can describe on blog ^^ i really enjoyed it and my $88 is NOT wasted!! totally worth it!! the first song "circle of life" brought up the whole atmosphere.. i chose a perfect seat as i get to see the elephants and other animals walking pass my seats!! wahahahaha!! the hyenas are scary though.. look like some skeleton dog..

i am so in love with the whole show!! all the live performance by the performers on stage, the conductor at the bottom of the stage and the drummers/percussion at the side... PERFECT!! the only part that we find a bit disappointing is the "can you feel the love tonight" song.. maybe we expected more since all other songs are so well done... but overall its 9.5/10 for me^^

ALSO!! haha marina bay sands is really a nice place to go and cool yourself down or have a nice walk with someone special .. for me it is really a good shooting spot too!! hehehe i am so going back there for a nice shooting session!! (with or without model) maybe i can ask some experts along to teach me~ hahaha.. totally enjoyed myself ^^

IT'S THE CIRCLE~ THE CIRCLE OF LIFE~~~

DLXD TDD~

2011-06-06T18:59:00.002+08:00

am i like self hypnotizing myself? i keep like telling me to study real hard and fight for my future, don't play, don't slack and DON'T LET HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF!! seeing people uploading photos on facebook about their UK trip is seriously very... irritating to my mind.. i also want to go out and play, go out and enjoy myself or even have time to rest..

i keep telling myself that i will be better than those who did not study during this holiday.. but the motivation is just not enough... it is like who will know what will happen next.. people can say i am planning my future but it is not convincing cause i don't even know will anything i do now be useful in the future... who knows if the things i studied now will have any help in my future...

actually i don't know if the reason for me to study is right.. it's not really for the pursue of knowledge but kind of for personal glory or even not wanting to lose out to others... and.. somehow i think attention on me will make me study more... attention seeking in short =.= maybe if i found out the real reason for me to study i will maximise my potential and excel like what i did in block test... i need the stamina!!

next thing is... i miss everyone in CCHY T^T i want to go back and visit people, sit in 4H classroom and feel the happiness we had in secondary school... if i got the time that is... i want to be back in secondary school... maybe that will be the reason for me to become a teacher next time =.= but i will only teach in CCHY... haha serve there till i die x.x

lastly, i had a weird dream.. like usual actually... this time i was going to my LION KING MUSICAL!!! but in the end the venue was changed to some stupid place instead of MBS and i was like damn unhappy about it.. left the place without watching the musical =.= haha stupid dream as if i will throw away my $88 like that..

if only somebody can go watch it...

DLXD TDD~

2011-06-01T20:08:00.002+08:00

I AM BACK FROM LTC!!!

although it is a 2 day 1 night camp, i really feel good being the head for it.. i still remember what happened 1 year ago when i was a JC1.. (maybe i blogged about it before? find it in archive June 2010?) haha there was no need for me teo to remind me of my tears. my first tear shed in innova and my last will be the tear of joy when i do well for my A levels next year!

i will like to thank my good friend, firman, who told me to be the POSITIVE CHANGE when i cursed and swear on how bad my LTC camp was last year... he reminded me about the snowball effect and encourage me to change what i think things should be done.. and i did it~ i never follow what others sees to be the right way for camp and i fought for my way.. (seriously i think mine better.. haha)

i really like to thank my friends i found in council.. timmy kaijie ellie moon singping etc.. they really supported me and proved that i am wrong when i said council are worthless because they are inside... WOO HOO friends are for life man!

HAPPY TO THE EXTREME!!

DLXD TDD~

2011-05-26T23:02:00.005+08:00

suck.. couldn't log in with google chrome for past 2 days!!... pissed!! so now i am here to rant ALL about life these few weeks...

HOMEWORK IS A PAIN IN THE ASS!!

especially chemistry.. suddenly lost all the passion for it.. and maths.. first time not doing my homework.. (luckily not caught) too tired to do anything recently.. june holiday coming i have to really buck up on my studies.. won't want to lose to anyone cause i HATE losing... gave myself motivation to win others at the same time make my friends to study for their "presents".. i agreed to buy agnes new shoes if she win me.. let's see if this is tempting enough to make her study...

but what matter more is the LTC i am planning... freak man i have no time or MY SAY over my decisions as a head... pissed off sometimes... hate the exco bossing me around when i am clearly the head! lunch time is absurd! why must people talk or disagree with what i do man?! they sucks... time is already ticking and i have to take care of each and everyone selfish demand!? what's more people seems to doubt MY ABILITY TO LEAD A CAMP... ABSURD!! BUNK! don't ever doubt me.. i believed i am well trained in CCHY for goodness sake.. i won't lose to anyone of your including your studies and the ability to lead the council for the camp..

i am trying hard.. to not depend on her as much now.. not to really disturb her with my rantings about my life.. and that's what makes my blog so important to me now.. but i still hope i have someone to share my thoughts and complain... seriously if i am still using sleep during the weekends as means to alleviate my stress.. i will die very soon... been sleeping real much to complete my work...

MY LIFE IS TERRIBLE!!

DLXD TDD~

2011-05-21T23:44:00.002+08:00

freak.. my tiredness is making me freaking moody.. even though i had slept for hours and hours.. i just want to sleep more... i thinking sleeping is really the only way for me to relieve stress, since the person who always talk to me whenever i am stress up seems to be... unapproachable recently...

LTC is coming up.. i am somehow in a stake of confusion.. to concentrate more on my academics or what? if only it could be like the past.. haiz...

freaking tired

DLXD TDD

2011-05-09T00:27:00.003+08:00

yesterday was mother's day... and... we didn't spend it really formally.. just stay at home watch the last episode of the channel U show.. haha didn't think much about it until now... i saw yee peng's facebook status... saying how she would have spent time with her if she's still around..

won't forget about it... its was during our Combine Sports Camp.. that's when her mum's condition deteriorate and she have to rush to the hospital or something... not long after that her mum passed away... after looking at her status. i wanted to cheer her up but i know what we outsiders say will not be enough.. and that holds me back... cause i will never know what are her feelings now...

that makes me reflect a bit... everything is unpredictable.. it's so scary that i don't even want to think about what will happen if.. you know.. and i thought of how we "celebrated" our mother's day.. guilty uh..

actually i have quite a number of friends whose mum happened to be not with them already.. but since it's one day after mother's day, let's not forget about them when we wish our mum a happy mother's day..

PS. tomorrow i am so going to bring my mum out for dinner.. haha

DLXD TDD~

2011-05-03T17:35:00.003+08:00

woo long time no blog... school started today after a long weekend~ its was fine basically but recently i realised that life cannot be so dull... so i should study more! hahah no la~

yesterday was cousin kim sze's ROM and i was the main photographer of the day with my little cute DSLR^^ although i was the main one but there sure was a lot little ones like my other cousins or the family of the bride.. so oh well~ but i know i did an awesome job..

just started using the advance modes of the DSLR after reading the whole manual myself... haha at least i know something more than those who did not read.. haha in terms of the settings of the aperture and the shutter speed etc.

first time given such a huge task *.* haha even ah boy told me maybe i should go out with him more on photo trips to have a better hands on the art of photographs and maybe it can be my side income~ but what i am thinking now is maybe it can help myself to be a more artistic person.. haha i think i will work on it more in near future^^ but on his actual wedding i don't think i will be the photographer... a bit too unprofessional already.. haha~

ok next up is.. Lion King musical once again.. haha now i have the money to go but no one is accompanying me to... a bit sad case uh (tio rejected) so i shall go myself then... or ask someone else instead? ask my JC friends bah.. hate to be alone sometimes..

can't wait till this week's over!

DLXD TDD~

2011-04-27T21:28:00.003+08:00

finally i asked!! after waiting for so long finally i made my finishing move... but sadly there is no reply till now... don't know if its for the better or the worse x.x but at least i know this answer will determine whether if i am able to continue or i have to really put it down and focus on my A level..

without this source of motivation.. i wonder how can i survive this major test again... put i will press on!! i need to win this war even if i am alone!! but i hope there is thealways one i need fighting beside me...

HOPEFUL

DLXD TDD~

2011-04-14T18:48:00.002+08:00

and today... they are officially graduated... with 2 medals for group events in their hands- some with individual achievements as well- stepping down with glory... this batch never fails to make me feel proud to be a CCHY wushu warrior... i really can say they are my pride for the cca.. what will happen when they graduate? will there be chance when we gather together and enjoy all the fun things together?

and now they are going to concentrate their studies for o levels.. moving on to a new chapter of their life called: mugging! haha.. and after that will be their graduation night and finally is their choice to go JC or poly... by the time i am waiting for my army enrollment.. haha

once again!! GOOD JOB GIRLS AND GUYS!!! pity that i can't go.. in school studying was all about thinking whether if they had started competing.. how was their results and how are they now.. damn it... but oh well at least i am updated.. although they update so slowly.. haha

glad

DLXD TDD~

2011-04-14T02:06:00.003+08:00

i will regret not going to watch wushu warriors competing group events forever... i don't really have a choice actually... as a JC student i have to prioritize carefully... i cannot skip lesson as and when i feel like it.. even though i feel damn apologetic towards my sister pearlyn, i should do what is right.. soo.. sorry sister x.x

anyway without me the team is still progressing damn well~ haha new management did help the team to do better perhaps? and the team will always be strong! so tomorrow's competition i shall have to wait for the result in school during chemistry practical... hope i can concentrate well in school tomorrow... i really really want to go.. serious....

they are the last batch that went to china with me during my sec 3 year.. after this there won't be anyone left inside the school that hold great memories with me... and its such a pity i can't support them physically there.. i can't shout the last " JIAYOU!!" for them on court... i will really regret it in the future... but i am expecting good news^^ they won't fail me =)

REALLY want to go..

DLXD TDD~

2011-04-09T21:59:00.004+08:00

what to say? friends are still the best~

firstly.. qunjie! he was the first to know my result and comfort me even though he got the same result and should be unhappy as well..

next is kaiyeat! he called me and made me think and feel that everything is still good.. my hopes are not lost yet so i should carry on to fight for my goal!

ellie! she is really strong inside even though she got the same grades as me, experiencing through the same things as me.. she stood up from her fall faster than me... i will learn from a strong girl like her~

singping! she tried her best to cheer me up by saying lame jokes.. haha appreciated man!

rayner! haha his presence there to listen to us ranting about PW even though he got the same grade as us..

katie! she tried to cheer me up but i ignored her sms x.x thanks anyway^^

actually there are many many more people i would like to thank.. but these few are the more significant ones maybe...

Grateful

DLXD TDD~

2011-04-08T19:04:00.002+08:00

why.. why did my streak has to end today?! I RATHER I FAIL ALL MY BLOCK TEST THAN GETTING FKING B FOR PW!!

WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!??!? WHY AM I ASSOCIATED WITH LOSERS WHO NEVER DO PROPERLY AND GET THE SAME GRADES AS ME?! WHY!!! WHY AM I NOT THE TOP 44% OF THE COHORT!!!! WHYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AM I NO BETTER THAN THOSE LOSERS SLACKERS?!

I DON'T WANT TO LOSE!!!!!! ITS A LEVEL RESULT FOR FUCK SAKE!! WHY MUST ALL MY RESULT COLLECTION BE SUCH A UNHAPPY ONE?! WHY!!! I REALLY PUT IN ALL MY EFFORTS INTO THIS PW AND I GOT B!!! A FKING LOUSY B!!

who can i blame?! my teacher?! I REALLY HOPE I CAN PUSH ALL THE BLAME TO HIM! none of his students got A for PW.. NONE... is it really my fault?! is it really true that i did not score well because i never make any effort to do all my best?! IS IT?! IF NOT WHY IS THAT BLOODY HEAVEN GIVING ME THIS KIND OF TREATMENT!? HOW IN THE BLOODY WORLD AM I SUPPOSE TO BE MOTIVATED TO WORK HARD AGAIN!? ALL MY EFFORTS ARE USELESS....

evidence has just shown me that what i had done is just futile.. i am not supposed to be someone who succeeds in anything i do... 18 years... and how many times have i succeed? none... not in academics, not in CCA, not in ANYTHING!!! SELF MOTIVATION?! WHERE IS THE SOURCE OF SELF MOTIVATION WHEN I HAVE FAILED TO OBTAIN AN A?!

worse still... my mum don't understands anything... NOTHING! she just assume what she thinks is right and scold me for being unhappy... for goodness sake!! how can i be happy?!?!?!?! i seriously DON'T THINK I DESERVE THIS RESULTS!! if my GP is going to suffer the same fate i will rather DIE than continuing learning from him... i am serious...

FML

DLXD TDD

2011-04-07T18:55:00.002+08:00

wooh~~~ this week is soo happening!!!

firstly! I PASSED MY GP FOR BLOCK TEST!! that makes me the only person in class to pass all my subjects~ nice^^

next up~ I GOT MY GOLD FOR NAPFA!!! very shag now but its worth it yeah~ did my best in every stations especially standing board jump with my personal best of 240cm!! my pull up was also at a higher level with 12 pull ups~ running was quite well also, maybe because of the accumulation of adrenaline perhaps? haha my timing was only 2 seconds slower than last year!! which is not even close when i was training! i came in with 11min27 secs~ nice^^

LASTLY!!! MY PW RESULT IS COMING OUT TOMORROW!! i am so scared now x.x hope my WINNING STREAK CAN STAY MAN!! and i will get an A!!! and that will be my second 'A' for the A level results^^ pleaseeeee~ cause i know you know everyone knows i had really put in my best in it... don't fail me =)

VERY VERY HAPPY!!

DLXD TDD~

2011-04-01T22:07:00.003+08:00

HAHAHA APRIL FOOL!!!

talking about april fool.. the memory that is deeply engraved in my mind is during my sec 4 years! so.... what the whole cohort did was we "changed" the orientation of the classrooms... for 4H we faced the back, i heard 4E faced the corridor and others also turned anyhow... HAHA!!

its so fun~ so we had lesson facing the back of the class and i forgot what happened after that.. hehe 4H is still much more fun than JC basically.. and i miss it...

YAY!! IMBA HAPPY!!

i got 2nd for my biology in class for BT!! LIKE FINALLY OVERTOOK ALMOST MOST OF MY CLASSMATES! happy^^ i also got 2nd for chemistry.. losing to fred by 6 marks.. 2nd for maths.. losing to aaron by 1 mark... all H2 got second for block test.. a bit pain but i think i did well.. overall almost all i am in 95 percentile and above so i think i did quite well this time round~

CELEBRATE!! hope she can feel happy for me too^^ hehehehe

HAPPY!

DLXD TDD~

2011-03-23T23:12:00.003+08:00

KNN... what's wrong with laughing... i watch shows and i laugh is also wrong need to hear my dad insult... fk man! fine la i everyday give the KB face.. people happy laugh also cannot?! WAA SIBEI FK UP! THAT'S JUST ME LA BASTARD!!! disturb me and my show and seriously spoil my mood!

DLXD TDD

2011-03-20T15:02:00.003+08:00

I HAVE DECIDED!!! the 4 days of holiday after my exam will be dedicated to... DORAEMON MOVIES^ HAHHAHAHA!!

recently i visited one of my FAVOURITE website (found on my link if you are interested) THE DORAEMON MOVIE OFFICIAL WEBSITE!! watched quite a number of trailers and felt so happy once again^^ i must say, this kind of happiness really comes from keep down my heart. nothing is better than this man! except for you know.. (haha)

tomorrow is the start of my mini-battle >.

now i shall be back to my studies.. after my lunch x.x just woke up after my "nap" from 10 am.. haha

WOOHOO

DLXD TDD~

2011-03-16T20:03:00.003+08:00

actually, it hurts a lot when people are having negative comments on the new Student Council... i always try to think, if i am the party where there won't be any PB and changed to SC, how would i feel? maybe the old me will hate it as well...

i think the main problem is the change of management, the changes in values and of course the change in job scope.. in our time, we also experienced in a change in master and mistress, from Ms Wong KY to Mr John Lim and Mrs Sabrina Tan.. we were unable to accept it first but now we are quite happy for who we are now right?

you know, i think i had gone through a lot changes in secondary school life.. firstly is the change of master and mistress for PB, then is my sec 3 form teacher from Ms Fanny See to Mrs Choo and finally my wushu coach.. NONE of this has a good start.. we disagreed with mrs choo on EVERYTHING for the remaining year in 3H (quite lame once you think back) but loved her in sec4, we talk bad things about our PB teachers? haha and we pon-ed training for wushu for not wanting new coaches to coach us even though its competition period(childish eh)...

its true that if you see things at it is now, YOU HATE THE CHANGES! you complain about the changes, which i think is perfectly fine.. you know why? because you guys care for it.. just that you guys have to reach to the next step: actions! you should reflect the unhappiness to the teachers, you should be the pro-active and the POSITIVE change in your CCA! that's what i call PRIDE for your CCA..

i cannot say that those newly elected SC are immature for unable to accept the changes since i don't think i will be able to accept it if its in my times as well.. but let's take wushu as an example.. now the juniors love their new coach like how we once loved our old ones.. if that's the case, as a senior, i think we should be the supportive ones and not bad mouth the coaches as it does not help us in anything right? why don't you guys start to like the way new things are done and be the guiding leaders for your juniors?

lastly, maybe we should ask ourselves.. are we unhappy with the changes OR are we just unable to accept the changes and thinks that everything that associate with it are bad?

Worried

DXLD TDD~

2011-03-11T22:22:00.002+08:00

i know i have saying this for quite some time already... but i REALLY WANT TO GO AND WATCH LION KING MUSICAL!! T^T

ARGHHH!!!!!!!!!!! still brooding over the sms issue.. maybe i shall just stop whatever i am doing now and wait... wait for the past to be back again, where everything seems so lovely and conversation is not so awkward... at least i thought so... but oh well.. i think it's always me who tends to overdo unnecessary stuffs.. urghh!!

等不到天黑,

烟火不会太完美~

回忆烧成灰,

还是等不到结尾~~

她曾说的无所谓,

我怕一天一天被摧毁!!

down

DLXD TDD

2011-03-10T17:51:00.002+08:00

thanks to yingying la... now i am getting emo over this sms thing... grr!! so my school today was literally checking my handphone, waiting for sms.. it came to a point where i suspect that my phone has some error or what until gong sms-ed me to confirm with me about the dinner on coming monday... SO WHATS WRONG WITH THE NO REPLY?! haiz....

but i can't let anything affect my mood now!! studies comes first!! i was to score a bloody 5As for my A level!! my expectations:

Chemistry -A

Math -A

Biology -B

GSC -A

Chinese -A (got it!)

PW -A

GP -B (very hard but i will really try my best to do it!!)

SOO!!!! nothing is suppose to disturb my plan and target for myself... but when i said that, there will always be someone who just.. you know, determine my productivity.. my motivation!!! i just feel lonely sometimes in school.. no one to talk to in terms of heart to heart talk.. friends seldom online recently... but its ok~ can get to see them on saturday to celebrate Javier's birthday and visit NUS/NTU for open house^^

recent (emo) songs that speaks my heart now : 林俊杰 - 她说 & 陈洁仪 - 兄妹

trend? both makes me cool down, reflect and emo...

OK!! next issue!! today soccer is suck to the hydrophobic core! i feel like training to be a all rounder!! ARGHH!! at least i will not be looked down in ANY of the things people play.. but actually i don't like soccer at all.. i only like it when i get to play during my secondary 4 days with my class.. quite entertaining... haha and not to forget the NCC guys.. just that sometimes manish they all tends to kick a bit too hard ah.. thats the part i hate about

EMO!!

DLXD TDD

2011-03-06T22:17:00.002+08:00

this week past rather quickly.. maybe becaue of the release of A Level Chinese results.. and i got A!! (to my expectation^^) so.. i am doing my best for everything now!!! i think i really give all out for whatever i am doing.. typical character to be the Guardian of the SUN!! hehehe~

but that comes the price.. fatigue is very common now.. body fatigue due to intensive PE training for NAPFA, brain fatigue for too much homework.. i will do well this time round!! i really hope i could.. so i will continue to do my best and ACES in whatever i am doing now!!

Motto of the term is still:

CANNOT LOSE!!!

MUGGING

DLXD TDD~

2011-03-02T21:39:00.002+08:00

SUPER late today for school... totally don't feel like going to school actually but because of biology SPA i have to wake up reluctantly and go to school.. and oh well...

firstly, i have to walk to the front gate (another 15 minutes) next, when i reach school, its already past 8 am (like of course i woke up at 8) so i have to report to the school at 7.30am tomorrow to meet the school discipline committee (oh hell confirm will get nagged like f).. thirdly! principal just nice was outside the general office so she called for me and talk to me about my late coming (best.. unlucky to the extreme!! but oh well she is quite nice and i somehow feel guilty for being late for school AT THAT MOMENT)...

oh well my life is like not very nice recently.. i woke up early MYSELF last week for almost everyday but its not consistent enough.. haiz... shall not rely on my mum too much... (cause not reliable one she wake me up late also not her getting detentions)

now thinking about having to go school early makes me feel "urghh" haiz...

UNLUCKY

DLXD TDD

2011-02-15T22:01:00.003+08:00

had a very funny dream yesterday night!! hahaha!!!

so we were suppose to go to a building...(i remember there was gong, chongwei amanda chew (innova) and manyun.. i even remember what we wore:

chong - usual brown long pants with dark blue shirt

gong - oops i forgot

amanda chew - i think is green top and shorts with some sports shoes

manyun - blue dress with high heels, looks nice wor)

but when gong entered the steps somehow filled with water.. so i managed to climb up the stairs and help amanda up... and the next scene was like i was looking down from on top of the stairs..

next thing i remember seeing is manyun and chongwei unable to get up the stairs.. and guess what they did? =.= here comes the epic part...

and so... i see flames from chong's hand making a big ball of flame (like wargreymon's gaia flame) and manyun like become 千臂观音 and merge her power together from each arm.. and then!! they blast the water on the stairs!!!! but after that they walk off instead of going into the building =.= after that gong walk out and i woke up.. hahaha

its such a funny dream can! i woke up i was like.. worhh~ powerful man.. hahaha

next i shall comment on these few days... actually i have a lot to say but i don't think i feel like recapping on the unhappy events.. basically is about studies like how basket was my classmate on boasting he complete his homework and his test result while i am having a hard time catching up, how fun my orientation was, how i own my classmate in chemistry but i am humble enough not to boast around ( i got top ok and i kept quiet about it), like how the teacher say we HGLs very good when serving the school but face turn black when we never finish homework, and how Sunday AYW Gathering become some labour work =.= a lot a lot to say uh... but oh well i shall not keep dwelling over it~

Quite Happy

DLXD TDD

2011-01-28T23:46:00.002+08:00

it feels weird.. when i hated coming to innova last year i totally hack care about orientation.. but this year i was enjoying it like mad.. it seems like my happiness and enjoyment for the past 1 year was all given back to be in just 2 days time..

i feel damn hyper in orientation now man x.x its like paying back what i owed innova.. i actually starting to like this school because of orientation? it makes me feel comfortable for the first time sia... haha!! i like the cheers for Sagittarius ^^ and i like the INNOVA cheer!! it goes like this:

I say who rock the house?! x2

I say who i say who i say who rock the house!?

(innova! innova! INNOVA INNOVA INNOVA!!)

i say A u say R

(A-R-A-R)

i say INNO u say VA

(INNOVA! INNOVA!)

WE SAY AD ASTRA (4 claps) x3

GOOOOOO..... INNOVA!!!

haha putting up in this blog to like ensure i remember the cheer forever man~ its something worth to remember actually..

HYPER

DLXD TDD~

2011-01-18T19:11:00.002+08:00

officially last day of my 17th year on earth.. i believe its a big step this year too.. being 18 is like a responsible for me to take more good care of my juniors, to love my life and be a better person..

yeah how fast last year has been.. currently a JC2 student with A level waiting for me at the end of the year.. and after that my 18th year is almost finished as well.. its like yesterday when i first left CCHY and headed to IJC.. i still remember last year this time, i was with my FAMILY at chong's chalet.. we were going for dinner around this time and after that watching "L change the world" when suddenly it strike 12 and we sang birthday song^^ haha~ then on my birthday i went to bugis GuanYin temple to pray.. i think maybe i should return my prayer someday soon..

1 year has just passed.. its like the speed of the growth of my pimples =.= FAST!! hahaha

well its still early before, not the end, but the start of my new life ahead.. this year, i have several wishes for everyone... maybe i shall name it down here tomorrow^^

its another 4 hours to go.. hope its the start of something new!!

EXCITED

DLXD TDD

2011-01-17T16:32:00.002+08:00

oh man... today was my first PE lesson after so long (including my second semester because dance elective is not even tiring =.= ) and i almost died x.x the program was meant for NAPFA and ya its not that difficult.. just that either i am getting old or simply my stamina dropped like nobody's business...

i remember that time before Os i was studying and felt like going to the gym.. but i only lasted less than an hour and i felt too giddy to continue... same feeling man but this time it was like a after effect cause i only feel sick after PE lesson... so moral of story... better buck up or you will die in NAPFA and army!!

dread

DLXD TDD

2011-01-16T14:35:00.002+08:00

Is it wrong to follow your friends where ever you go?

case no. 1: my brother neglect studies in JC last time to go poly and join his friends... however his friend got a super low grade at the end of his 3 years... my brother now only care about his cheer leading team and don't spend much time and effort on his studies as well.. is it bad to follow your friends?

case no. 2: i had no choice and landed in innova... without any of my friends with me and it feels shit! motivation was depleted almost immediately... i had not much idea of what they are talking about whenever they started on some topic happened in the school.. i don't have much to share cause they won't really understand much yeah... haiz.. shit life...

losing motivation in life

DLXD TDD

2011-01-10T23:01:00.002+08:00

wow its all good news eh~happy for many of them!!! but at the same time it also made me having flash backs of the day i receive my PSLE result, O level chinese as well as my O level results... in conclusion, the only time i smiled at my result is when i receive my chinese results...

its kind of jealous man to see people getting such good results... i don't know if its me that did not work hard enough or i am just not as smart as them... i wonder what will it be like when i receive my A level result next year... i really hope i can be as happy as many of my juniors this year... i felt quite fail as a student... its stressful to be with a group of smart people also...

DLXD TDD~

2011-01-08T16:19:00.002+08:00

countdown 11 days... actually i looked forward but on second thought... am i prepared for it? its an important year man.. it means i have to get serious with life, i have to be a grown up, act like one think like one. you know i was reading my first few entries since i started my blog, it was full of laughter, full of hope for tomorrow and full of aims to find my motivation.

"tomorrow will be a better day" is my favourite quote.. it made my enjoy my secondary school life, doing my best but at the same time having fun with the people i care about. but apparently it doesn't work out the same way now. the very same phrase could not help the person i wanted to cheer up... the phrase could not make me fight for my happiness.. its just another optimistic false hope that i use to cover up my sorrow... pathetic eh?

my 17th birthday was a failure.. there is no second chance for my 17th year to repeat and i really hope my 18th birthday could be a year where i will soar high up, never falling down at all.. am i prepared for it?

losing confidence..

DLXD TDD

2011-01-07T15:51:00.001+08:00

Helpless... i can't do anything...

Cheer up kay? that's all i can say too..

sorrow

DLXD TDD

2010-12-18T16:05:00.002+08:00

am i spoon feeding? wow this is a weird feelings... its like i want to try and help my juniors as much as possible from troubles having to crack their brains like what we used to do, but questioning if my act is harmful to their learning experience of critical thinking and event planning...

oh man.. i really don't know to what extent should i help... there are so much more to learn

DLXD TDD~

2010-12-15T21:41:00.002+08:00

i don't know how important i am to you.. but i don't think i mean a lot... just a normal friend maybe? i can somehow feel it... haha but i it's ok~

i think you may guess out something else.. pretty obvious i think? don't know if you still read my blog.. it's weird.. i hope you still read up a bit but at the same time, its contradicting that i don't want to let you see the feeling i typed out here, especially when its about you.. can;'t find any place to write down.. i don't have a diary x.x

just want to let you know that there is always me here, your number 1 listening ear if you feel like to share anything, cause i can't guess what's inside your mind and sad to say i don't know you very well... that's what you said though..

oh well... random post again~ if you happen to read, please don't take it into your heart.. yeah? i just want to let you know bit by bit...

DLXD TDD~

2010-12-14T13:36:00.002+08:00

its like... WONDERFUL!!!

this chalet is something i really hoped for and looked forward to since beginning of the year after i made my promise to organise it.. and of course.. its is fun^^

well there may not be much activities going on around, but its the way people enjoy themselves, coming together as a team to celebrate the end of 2010.. at the same time spending wonderful times with my juniors and building up the team spirit that matters...

i think i am really getting old.. haha~ i really enjoy the feeling when people enjoy the thing i planned and work hard for.. though i think the boss behind is still renping la.. haha.. i merely used my experience in organising chalets to help out creating the fun..

but well... some parts are of course not to my expectations.. haha.. not sharing here though~ oh well.. over this is the FIRST EVER HOLIDAY FEEL i had felt since i entered JC...

HEY WARRIORS!!! if i know you guys had a great performance next year and if you enjoyed this year's chalet.. i will ensure that you guys will have morew enjoyable chalet ahead of you^^ (provided you saw this)

DLXD TDD~

2010-12-12T02:01:00.002+08:00

OH FOR HEAVEN SAKE!!!

y am i doing such sucky proposal when i can relax in my holidays.. i have chalet tomorrow man.. and i can't sleep because i have to finish something i have no interest to do AT ALL!!! waaa!! i hate it man...

i am angry.. serious!!! i hate it!! URGHHH!!! actually... i don't like the way my "supervisor" is doing things... throw things at us and leave me there.. giving a LOT of stupid "area of improvements" and expect us to make a "swee swee" proposal for him.. PEKCEK AH!!

DLXD TDD~

2010-12-05T04:00:00.003+08:00

something is missing... something huge is missing in my life and i knew it... URGHH!! felt quite empty sometimes... didn't know if my year was used wisely.. think i had used too much time thinking of irrelevant stuff than spend on my studies... but i really care about the irrelevant stuffs.. things like my AYW and other not so important yet dear to me.. haiz..

worse is i felt that i am losing something important.. paranoid me.. i just hope i have more time and chance for me to get what i wanted..

lastly.. hope my guardian angel will be there always~

DLXD TDD~

2010-11-22T00:17:00.002+08:00

URGHH!! THERE IS SCHOOL THIS WEEK!!

although its already the last week of school.. but i totally dun feel like doing anything now.. don't feel like doing homework, or even going to school!! i also don't feel like going for any of the council stuffs.. why must the JC students' holiday be so late.. i barely can rest man!! already lost my momentum on studying so just let me rest for a while... i really see no point going to school when i have no mood to study... ARGHH!!!

somebody is like missing in action recently... cannot be seen around one... haiz.. don't know what to say also..

DLXD TDD~

2010-11-15T01:21:00.003+08:00

new blog created for my novels~ its in the link called "My Sotries" at the corner *pointing on top*... do take a look if you want to enjoy the wonderful sensation of reading ^^

Do Be WARNED!!
its in chinese... HAHA!!

DLXD TDD~

2010-10-28T03:31:00.002+08:00

such a long time since i wrote my little novel~ though i complete in just a few hours, i think it should be not bad eh.. hahaha.... now the problem is i don't know where to post it=.= maybe got to create another website for that only.. hahaha!!

anyone interested do let me know.. hehehe.. let's see if i have any fans^^

DLXD TDD~

2010-10-24T19:21:00.002+08:00

slacked while revising for my chinese and looked at some common blogs for updates... so i came across manyun's blog and feel like reflecting on myself too..

hope no one from my junior college will know my mini blog here and you know... i think i am overconfident in my subjects as well.. i always wanted to do well, cause i know in this school if i am doing just average, i could never catch up with the rest outside.. and due to this problem.. i am actually somehow looking down on people here.. the superior feeling overpowered my humble just because i am from a nice secondary school

in fact.. there are a lot people better than me in this school.. i hate to admit it but they are good in term of IQ only=.= its really a mix feelings when you hate to lose to others but at the same tim you have to be humble all the times..

i felt useless at times.. when people done badly for exams.. i could not say things like "hey i was worse last time" or " O level is very easy".. 1 reason, i am not fit enough to.. if i say things like i am worse in the past.. it makes me wonder.. am i lowering the standard of that person to be able to compare with me? that will just make a fool out of myself... i know that they were obviously better than me in a lot of ways, so i cannot say things like that.

now for the worst part.. even if i done well for my subjects here, i don't feel very good boasting to my friends.. reason? if i can do well.. there are tonnes of other people able to do better than me.. in their school, their standards were obviously higher than mine.. to them my paper may be just some some easy thing...

i wonder why i am saying all these things now.. i thought i wanted to reflect on myself for being overconfident or arragont? haiz.. this post has no meaning at all.. no conclusion no lesson learnt no nothing... urgh!!! what is this?!

DLXD TDD~

2010-10-19T10:37:00.002+08:00

and again... everything concludes that my interest is always and ALWAYS my obstacles in my life.. you know how demoralising it can be? to be having high expectations on yourself, on the subjects you like and they scored the worst marks.. the ones which disappoint you the most...

and please.. never compare me with those baskets who did not even put in effort and get the same grade as me.. its an utter insult and for fuck sake! why did i even get the same grade as them?! its totally not that i never try to study for it.. I DID!! its not that i gave up on that subject.. BUT WHY MUST THE PATHETIC RESULTS ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL LIKE GIVING UP ON THEM!!! this is really fuck! i really cannot find any other alternative words to describe my feelings now... so now.. life is disgusting!

whats the point of working hard when none of the efforts you put in gives any results... really.. even a slight improvements could have make you feel better.. but!? nothing is changing.. i could have used more time on my other subjects and make them even stronger... losing to people is just unbearable... THE FEELINGS SUCKS!! THOSE ARROGANT BRATS!!! SO WHAT IF YOU ARE SMARTER!! GO AWAY YOU SCUMS!!

IF THERE ARE REALLY GODS SOMEWHERE UP THERE... THEY ARE BLIND!!! they made people who are more stupid than others to suffer all these shits... never given them a chance to win others... and worse of all.. humiliating them for working hard...

i hate this cruel world... it is making me sick...

2010-10-16T23:33:00.002+08:00

wow.. seems like i have been missing CCHY for quite a bit.. recently my dreams all revolve around CCHY one.. haha shall share a bit^^

first dream.. i dreamt that cchy was under terrorist attack!! x.x
soo... i was leading a students preparing for a counter terrorist attack~ hahaha!! a group of students were as hostages in classroom 1D and i led a team to take a look on the situation from the 4th story..

so i was running along the corridor (with some one beside me ^^ don't know why will dream of her inside this weird dream) and telling the rest to get ready for war (haha imaging me giving those motivational talk about what this is our war and we must fight ourselves all those stuffs)

i walked down the spiral staircase.. slowly and quietly.. until i saw one of my my wushu coach pointing to me the direction of where the students are (why got him=.= it was guan jiao lian by the way)

we headed back to the 4th story to get the others to charged down as planned.. all students in full gear - helmet, bullet proof vest, holding a gun and prepared to fight!

just as we were about to charge down... my sister was late for school and started screaming =.= and i woke up.. the end...

second dream.. only took place yesterday night..
this time it was more normal.. hahaha... so i was back for some wushu activity and there were TONNES of wushu members.. but mdm goh had hard time controlling them all.. so i suggested i had a talk with the members like addressing the, but mdm goh rejected me straight in the face!! damn sad can=.=

so i just walked into the conference room and it turned out to be a place with computers and sofa.. such a wonderful places^^ i took a nap on the sofa (beside someone^^) and i woke up... haha.. the end...

what nice and weird dreams.. haha..

DLXD TDD~

2010-10-10T00:40:00.002+08:00

10-10-10

i heard from some one that when you see 3 repeated number on your watch you should make a wish~ cause they will come true.. actually.. my subconscious had always remembered that.. whenever i saw the time of repeated number on my watch i really made some small wishes..

so now.. if i can make a wish.. i want to wish someone special in my life now to be special and there forever... someone that had changed my life, making it into something exciting, fun, full of surprises^^

of course, i won't forget the wish of being able to be happy all the time, wish for not losing to others again.. and wish for you... it seems that my life is revolving around little things now.. homework, FAMILY, and the special person in my mind now.. thanks to that person i managed to pulled through my difficult times..

i didn't realise such person exist till recently.. never fail to be there when i need help.. never fail to be my moral support.. thankful for the presence of this person actually^^

now that my exam is over.. i am focusing back to my PW and A level chinese.. hope these 2 will ace like no body business~ i think.. again.. without that special person.. i may not be able to do that much.. grateful for the support i was given=)

so i shall make my final wish for 10-10-10!! i wish that person will be happy as well.. stress free and have a wonderful life.. ahh.. not forgetting HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARVIN~

PS. i actually wished him to live for another century so that he can celebrate his 10-10-10 again cause he will be using this century's for his promotion exam.. haha

2010-10-05T17:10:00.003+08:00

seriously.. when can i stop losing?! since when did i won anything before??? results? CCA?? whatever shit?! i really hate losing to others.. recently in JC is worse... i always tell myself i must do better.. but disappointment is forever the outcome to my hard work i put in.. since primary school.. i always see my friend going to good schools.. even in secondary school... everyone went to NY except me.. how can i even lose in this JC?!? i really hate losing already.. can you see the arrogance in people eyes? maybe you can understand me better if you really see them..

talking about understanding.. who in this world really understand me? this is crazy.. i just hope to find someone who i can talk to frequently and understand me well.. maybe she/he may know the feeling i am experiencing now..

i have failed myself again... from sucky chinese to sucky math how many other subjects can i do well in?! SUCKS!!!!!! WHEN CAN I STOP LOSING OTHER PEOPLE? WHEN?!

i am not weak.. i know i am not.. just that these overwhelming pressure and high expectation is just killing me.. imagine yourself already in a sucky school.. and you still get sucky results... you can really go jump.. there is no meaning to my life already.. i know i must fight on.. but i really feel helpless here...

i really envy chong marv gong they all.. able to wait for each other after school.. lunch together... not that i have no friends here.. but none is able to share the burden with me.. my emotional feelings.. who understand them? i am trying very hard as well... here all alone... looking at those lower aggregate gets all the praising from teachers.. i really must stop losing to others...people with high charisma others like.. people with good brains others like.. people with good looks others like.. in this world if you are mere average.. dream on others will give a thought about you..

in conclusion.. i am just a mere AVERAGE trying to succeed in SOMETHING... a person without talent trying to find someone to appreciate in this world.. isn't what people live for? that's why i failed... pathetically...

DLXD TDD~

2010-08-27T22:22:00.002+08:00

its happened again yesterday night... this time.. i am quite certain that i am awake.. cause i know i am thinking what to do.. its not the first time i am feeling this weird sensation.. recently the frequency just get higher..

i remember the first time was also this year.. when i wanted to flip my body during halfway my sleep and i felt that i totally cannot control any of my body part.. i struggled to try and move my legs or my arms.. even turning my head was a big problem...i was literally STUCK at my position unknowing what to do..

it lasted for a few minutes before i can finally move them.. the first time i thought it was just a dream.. but it happens again and again.. even if its a dream, isn't it a bit to frequent to dream about the same thing?! worse is.. i know i am thinking how to move my body sub consciously..

yesterday was a clear case.. i know i wanted to look up my just turning my eyes BUT i didn't managed to do.. its was like u are deadly tied and you know your limbs are just there but unable to move it even in an inch.. soon after i struggled i am able to move again..

i really hope its just a dream.. it might be because of some psychological stress maybe? i just don't want to experience this scary things again..

DLXD TDD~

2010-07-19T21:28:00.002+08:00

how should i even open my mouth?! i cannot be the one saying all these right?? its like... wrong of me to do this.. it was me who asked for people to join me in the NYAA.. it was me who find and persuade them to go Nepal with me.. now i have to be the one depriving them from this trip..

i feel bad.. i feel guilty for making them join NYAA with us and have to stop their progress because of this trip... initially we needed 10 people and asked to to join us for this trip.. now because of P's word i have to cut down to only 5... worst of all i am the one going to tell them they are not going for this trip despite a lot of assurances i had given them.. i am like a man who does not do what i say...

i still cannot think of what to tell them about this.. i find that i have to call them personally to be more sincere in the apology for all the trouble caused to them.. i really don't hope to inform them about the bad stuffs.. be it increase in cost of trip or they unable to go for this thing...

especially to close friend... it may be seen as i am cheating them into something not worth doing or forcing them to be in it cause we are friends... i am given limited time to inform them about this.. further add into my stress... seriously.. i don;t want to be the bad guy... i hope i don't have to be one...

DLXD TDD~

2010-07-16T22:07:00.003+08:00

life cant be worse than this... life cannot be suckier than this... the world cannot be darker than this...

i feel like staying at home now.. i feel like quitting my cca now.. i even feel like dying now.. i feel like jumping off this bloody building and bid farewell to this sucky world...

i hate those people who only think of themselves, their own interest and be such a stubborn person.. i hate those people who put a smile everyday but cant even take a small joke.. i hate people who thinks they are really good and condemn others... i hate those people who succeed by stepping on others..

i really hope to find my happiness back.. i don't know what can make me happy now.. i am starting to HAVE DIFFICULTIES understanding myself...

am i the egg? turning myself hard when times are tough? or even the carrot??? i know i am not the coffee bean... i am not able to change the situation or use the situation to the best.... i just hope i am not the carrot... so i just want to stay strong..

DLXD TDD~

2010-06-29T23:47:00.004+08:00

actually i wanted to post an entry, or a story in fact, on Student Council last time.. but i don't have the strong feel to do so already..so.. if there is any chance i have the strong feel to express myself, i may have to do it.. its not a very good stuff actually=)

for now!!! i think this is more important than that story...

recently, i was standing in front of my classmates when i heard this thing... the 2 person(you know who) BOASTED about how the commit crimes in the holidays to the whole class.. which include theft, illegal driving and speeding... the thing is, they don't feel any sense of guilt but boasted that they were not caught...

its stupid can you guys understand? in JC, they came here to enjoy, influence fellow classmates negatively, bring down our class reputation and waste their time (this one i don't care...) what they are doing is none of my business anyway... BUT speeding CAUSES ACCIDENTS!! i don't care if they were the one who died... but they never think of the consequences if they knocked anyone else down... and.. from the bottom of my heart, i seriously wish these people CAN GO TO JAIL for breaking all these laws... their self-centred mind set is beyond my tolerance... that's why i said i HATE INNOVA... ITS A PLACE WHERE CRIMINALS ARE SCOT FREE!!

be it small crime like shop lifting or smoking in school.. the school did not do anything to them... as a student, we need people to back us up so that we can actually file a complain or report their misdeeds... i have the strong urge to do so, but what do i have? the reality is cruel you understand? they have people=they win..doesn't matter if your sense of justice is as high as the sky, if you stand alone, there is nothing much you can do...

JC claimed themselves having top 30% of students in the whole cohort, but think again... do we? i believe that MANY of those who went poly performed way better than those criminals.. BE IT ACADEMIC OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENTS... jc wants students to perform... and everyone knows that ENVIRONMENT is the crucial factor to their performance...

this logic had already been understood by people in the past... 昔孟母,择邻处.. why did she have to choose a good place to stay? its to provide her son with a good environment to grow up... environment to study has the same logic...

lastly.. i hope some people with high authority could see this and do something about it... if no action is done, i see no point of other good students to be studying in this school because it is not a school anymore... i mean it...

DLXD TDD~

2010-06-23T01:08:00.002+08:00

these 2 days are so wonderful... not in innova but in my CCHY~ wushu warriors had their FIRST successful camp in these 5 years of history!!

morning have to go back to school... worst experience of my life... did badly for both chinese and biology... lazy to elaborate cause it stinks my days...

once the bell ring, i am no longer IJC students but the number 1 alumni of CCHY... i can feel the change in my mood once i changed into my warrior shirt... the steps taken on my way to CCHY is in such an enjoyable pace.. compared to going to IJC...

had WHOLE LOT of fun and laughter in CCHY... that place never fails to make my days brighter.. never fails to make my world happier... if only i could stay for the camp... stupid extra lessons... I HATE THEM! deprive my time with them... never fail to spoil my day.. once i step out of school just now, i am feeling empty inside my heart... thinking about school tomorrow makes me sick! i don't want to go to that school anymore!

if i could, i hope to retain in CCHY now...enjoy my life there rather than stuck in this stupid jc and suffer my days inside... i have no motivation to study at all... the only thing that makes my do my homework and read (not study) for test is just pure sense of responsibility and NEVER lose out to those people there... I AM NOT ENJOYING MY LEARNING EXPERIENCES THERE!!

just like last Saturday, we have the secondary 3 SLC day camp, aka LTC... you can feel the difference in the atmosphere where the students learn how to be a leader.. i don't see black faces, i don't hear shouting BUT i feel the love of teachers and passion of students... THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE I HAVE GROWN... in a place full of love and happiness... you guys just don't understand it..

i still find going JC a LONG SEMINAR where i can go back to school, which is CCHY, once this seminar is over... i need motivation to study better.. i need someone to guide me through... someone... please...

i realised i don't really have a person to talk to very often... i have too many problems and if i keep going to the same person i am actually disturbing her...but i hate to do things alone you see... i am bottling up too many emotions inside.. maybe just one day, i am going blast everything off again... i tired talking to my mum but she says she won't talk to people with those black faces.. apparently she is not a very good listening ears after all..

most of the times, i find committing suicide very silly but sometimes... it does appear in my mind for a few seconds and i am deeply in thought of doing it before i snap out of the daze and realise it's still silly... stupid me right... agreed...

DLXD TDD~

2010-06-18T19:25:00.002+08:00

day out with wushu warriors~ had fun once again... but i am starting to miss my old team mates... including HK, JH... haiz... seems that i am getting more and more emotional again...

maybe i am just tired... i am feeling some sadness inside me... i don't know the reason. but since after watching the Taiwanese drama Autumn's Concerto, i am addicted to the sad theme song... i am stuck with the weird emotional inside myself... it has nothing to do with the show i guess... just my mood.. nothing seems interesting enough for me to cheer up...

i don't know why i got the strong feeling... same kind of feeling when i said i did not want to go for a camp... suddenly my head just tell me that i hope i can live in my own world, have my own way of living and everything around is just ME! weird right?

there are many things kept inside me... i hope to get it out from me.. if anyone just ask and gives me the chance to say out what i felt... so many things bottled up inside...it don't feel great after all...

so overall... i am happy today because i am with the warriors.. but unhappy because i am not bring myself again... hope to find some ways to get rid of the unhappy me soon...

DLXD TDD~

2010-06-06T17:22:00.023+08:00

BINTAN!!!! back from the "lovely" place... this post is really long... hahaha!

Bintan to me.. should be a nice place right? full of sea, full of sands.. and full of sunshine~ this is first time there.. and i face the not so nice side of bintan life instead~

camp ended few hours ago.. mixed feelings... happy to escape that deadly place.. sad that the camp has ended... not because i like this camp.. just that i just don't like like things to end maybe?

first day there~

reluctant to go to school.. scared of vomiting on the ferry ride... not enthusiastic at all.... luckily i survived the ferry and long bus ride by sleeping.. our camp were grouped according to comets so at least i know some people i can talk to... but still, don't feel like going...

out of the ferry terminal, we sat a non-air con bus... HOT!!! although it was not my first time in a non air con bus, the weather and the smell of the bus made me feel sick... we went straight to the tallest mountain in Bintan.. only 370m... hahaha.. my feeling was like"so easy.. i had conquered 3000m mountain in Nepal before you know... no chick..." hahaha...

indeed, it was not very tough for me... just that the sudden storm made the slope so muddy and slippery, it made me almost fell 3 times... other? fell numerous times!! hahahaha... thanks to my strong body and good body coordination trained in wushu!! plus.. my beloved trekking shoe=) luckily i brought along the gloves RP gave me.. save me from blisters during the climb... if only i had my walking stick along also~ haha...

although i felt that it was kind of easy, i still need to motivate myself and my fellow team mates to keep ourselves moving.. that's the least a leader can do.. we were all wet and muddy after the climb... the feeling was quite similar to sec 3 camp in bukit timah=) but.. this is much more worse... legs a bit tired and felt very RELIEVED after our trek... the mountain trekking was a challenge for my mind and body...

to our horror... our campsite was quite... not what we had expected.. the consent form said resort... but we were on a patch of grass to pitch our tent.. our tent was facing the sea view... toilet was pretty "nice".. a hut out of no where and a corner covered by some fabrics you can find in those construction site... those strips of blue kind... horrible... scary... we thought that was meant for those construction workers there...

after a lot of waiting time and and so... we had our dinner and we went for bed (sorry... its went for our tent) it was a hot night... sweating like dogs the nest day we woke up.. we thought that we can have some sea breeze but... wow... at least the stars are there to cheer myself up... (it is 100 times nicer in Nepal) first time feel like going home from camp in day 1...
that's all for my day 1~

second day there... (wow its getting so long)

our comet and another comet merged and formed "SKIFFY"!!! nice name eh~ leader is me again=) haha... we basically did rafting and sand castle building.. starting to get fun and enjoyable that day.. did not get myself wet at all... woots~~

rafting was rather fun.. i tired it cone so i can lead my team to build the desired raft, though i cannot prove to mr joshua tan that my raft CAN work.. did not try out int the water as it was early in the morning with low tide... and you know their low tide= 5km from shore... while in Singapore, the tide is like maximum 50 cm apart... hahaha!! you can see the whole patch of sand and crabs are there during low tide... sand castle building further bonded our team together... rained in the afternoon again.. had to clear the water in our tent before night time...
everything was quite enjoyable that day.. until..........

we were told not to have our bath till after dinner... the free time can be used for shopping... but 3 girls went to had their bath instead... so they went missing for a while and we were all scolded by the facilitators... at that point of time.. we were like "what the hell.. why we get scolded also..." and "no point shouting at us right.. idiots" the whole House was demoralised... even till after dinner... no mood for cheer... no mood for anything...

WORSE STILL!! another guy from my House came around shouting at us for not following instructions.. seriously speaking.. i don't like his way of doing things... he started bossing around calling us to do things... shouted at us for nothing... at night, he "apologized" for shouting at us by saying this" sorry arh guys for shouting at you all... but u all never put in effort to play your part arh.. i want to see you all putting in effort can a not!!" it turned out to be a lecturing session... no sincere in his apology at all... don't know why there are some over enthusiastic people who took his words and started cheering... but i can tell many are unhappy with his tone and attitude... he mentioned that last year's batch put in a lot effort but he see no effort in us and DEMANDED some participation in us... so.. i think all retained people are just a bit of extra... i don't agree with his way of leading... but sadly he is our 'leader" for our House, especially when it comes to cheer..
mr joshua tan said in the afternoon that we choose leader not because of their leadership quality.. but we choose them because you know you can fight a war with them.. they are someone who will live and die together with you... but i see no such quality in that guy...
there comes the end of day 2...

third day there~ (don't get bored yet~)

woke up earlier to set off for CIP... went to the mangrove area for reforestation, interaction with local sea gypsy and visiting the charcoal factory.. it was difficult to break the barriers between me and the locals and fully understand how they live their lives there...

we went to the mangrove swamps to replant the mangrove trees.. took the local wooden boats to the swamp... the mud there was WOW!!! we step into the mud and started sinking till our thigh level... we can hardly move!!! it was scary ok... we were sent to a beach after reforesting to have some small clean up there... we just simply jumped into the water and let the mud flow out of your body... after that followed by the home visit and tour around factory...

went back to camp site for shower...seems that there was a heavy storm during our absence.. OUR TENT WAS FLOODED!!! that lead to another unhappy story at the night time...

after that was camp fire preparation... dinner time and that was my first time having dinner on the beach~ hahaha!!! camp fire went on as usual and the school went hyped up!!! this part was rather nice... hyper and fun...

after camp fire we were given some time to walk around before lights off... i took my stroll along the beach alone.. looking up in the skies and watch the stars... i noticed a few shooting stars... if only someone could share with me the shooting stars... i made some wishes(rather trust it and give it a try) how i hope someone was there with me as well...

night time.. due to our wet tents, permission was given to me that i can sleep outside my tent... so i tear down my tent and sleep outside with my friend on the sleeping bag instead... HOWEVER.. (THIS IS THE ANGRY PART) another facilitator suddenly came to us, woke us up and demanded us to sleep in our tent... this is making me angry as... communication of facilitators are not CLEAR nor STANDARDISED... one said this the other said that... who can i trust? who should i follow? they did not apologise anything and just said that was the order from the camp chief... make me have to pitch my tent again in the darkness and sleep inside the wet tent... luckily we have sleeping bag to act as mattress...
that's the end of day 3~ (quite happy to say so)

last day!!!!
early morning... finally one night that is rather cooling!!! maybe that's to the wet tent...wash up and done my final packing before heading off for breakfast at the training shelter... took a school photo and set off to the ferry terminal!! long journey on bus again... long and HOT!! after the giddy ride on the ferry.. we finally reached SINGAPORE!!! step out of the departure hall and see some of my teammates' family fetching them... i was hoping for someone to fetch me also.. but it doesn't really matter... used to it already.. so here i am.. sharing everything with you=)

DLXD TDD~

2010-05-26T23:52:00.003+08:00

WAKAJOG 2010!!!!

after 5 months of hardship... after 5 months of meetings... AFTER 5 MONTHS OF TIME MANAGEMENT!!! today is the day!!!!!!!

today... i left my house at 6am and set off to CCHY~~~ in my memories, 6am is only for duties or oversea trip... walking in to the school when the sky is still dark... its nice=) predicted wet weather today but the sun turns out hotter than we expected!! HOT HOT!!

morning everything went quite well.. sang the school song with pride once again=) some jokes here and there actually... especially when mr tan has to drag the time for 15 minutes.. he only succeed in dragging 5 though.. haha... crap all his way through... so stress... hahaha!!

missed the opening as i proceed to the starting line for flag off... we had 10 AYW to company the RCYPS runners.. but there are 11 instead.. so i have to run with one of them as well... the boy keep holding on to me during the run... haha... so funny... have to motivate him throughout the run... but sadly he slipped and fell during the run... threw a bit of tantrum

a bit of guilty part is i am not familiarised with the competitive route and made some error here and there... we took a shorter route instead as he saw the others running pass the U turn and wanted to join them instead of going for the actual route...

so we reached quite early and i started heading back to the school for further instructions... that's basically it for the walkajog part=) its quite a successful day i think=)

next up is the sports carnival and bazaar~ had my rest then... wen to manyun stall to have breakfast.. (that's my breakfast till 3pm leh... so hungry after that... hahaha) the soda was nice.. the nacho was superb...( cause they were my breakfast? )

walked around with my friends.. mainly hang out in canteen area or field sector... walk back to canteen etc... a bit boring right? now think of it quite boring.. but it was so nice in the morning=)

had to RUSH back to innova for exam.. stupid=( was almost dead after i finished the paper... hate this man.. stupid exam period...

oh lastly.. thanks for the "birthday" present eh~ haha... so long already but i still count as a birthday present... haha... thanks for the card also=)

PS. TODAY IS SOOO FUN!!!!!!! hahahaha

2010-05-12T22:36:00.002+08:00

went back "home" today~ haha... its was quite late and its the exam period.. so i did not get to bump into much people... haha.. a bit disappointed actually..

BUT.. my main job was to go our "neighbour house" the RCYPS and get to know more about them.. and interacts with the kids=)

mixed feelings actually... i know we cannot look down on them.. but at the same time we cannot have any expression that says we pity them...i believe that is a form of respect...it is also usually not easy to see them as what we are... they are different.. but for the better or worse? no one has the right to say anything =)

i get to take care of Jedd, a 4 yr old kid with some difficulties controlling his muscles.. mainly the legs and fingers.. we have some difficulties communicating of course.. he seldom make any noise...when i first approach him, i know he did not accept me as yet.. as in, he ignored me, no interactions at all... as times goes along.. he allow me to carry him around, wash his hands and he really tried his best to accept me this stranger as a friend=) i can feel the interactions we had, even if its just only some physical interactions like passing the animal toys to each other, i felt the trust he had in us=)

the team seriously had fun interacting with the kids=) some of them are just like us when we were young---bubbly cheerful and even talkative... some may tend to be more quiet, but they know our presences and try their best to interact with us...this was totally what our mind set was when RCYPS was first set up beside our school...

overall, the trip today was something new for me.. in old folks home, the elderly have different needs from children in RCYPS.. even in orphanage, children there also need different attentions spent on specific areas.. this taught me that we need to cater to each and every one's needs if we can afford to do so..

PS: marvin needs some training on how to carry little kids=) hahaha...

DLXD TDD~

2010-05-07T01:21:00.005+08:00

it is late night.. i know.. but i just got the feeling to look through the photos of wushu trip to xiamen 2008...

it was such a memorable time we had, the 14 days i spent with my friends.. especially junhao, heikern, the penguin clique, the turtles and the girls of course=) (remember we teased the statue that was inside the bridge exhibition?) everything was so much of laughter, happiness and of course everything there was all WUSHU!!!!

i missed the times we endure the pain in order to train for our events... endure the scoldings from coaches.. endurance then was so much fun... when i looked at the photos taken at different places there, it was full of laughter, full of fun and full of LOVE we had for each other...

heikern fell sick first, followed by roy... what we did was giving them was less of only care and concern, but its more of LOVE.. love for our fellow team mates and love for our friends... there was not even a single bit of selfishness or self centred mind set in us...

if you all still remember 陈阿姨, the lovely lady tending to the shop outside our hostel, i missed her a lot too=) we had so much fun chatting, talking about our lives.. and the most fun part is we sneaked out from the hostel in late night (around 1030 to 1100) to go to her shop and grab a sausages(black pepper and corn if i remember correctly)=)

although the trip was full of ups and downs... we did enjoyed it at the end of the trip didn't we? how i hope we could just go back there.. even if we are going to pay full sum for ourselves.. i hope to return to the streets we walked, the places of interest we entered and walk back to the BEST memories we had in our wushu life=)

DLXD TDD~

2010-04-26T22:02:00.005+08:00

hey.. today had a lesson on cyber wellness.. and there is one part it say i should not post my scolding on my blog.. haha.. so i "consulted" manyun.. she say if i guilty i should remove as its only like a kind of stored memory where u can see what happen in your life then... actually i am not guilty... i was never guilty posting them on blog.. but maybe i should just leave my blog clean...

when i try to cut and paste into a new post and save as draft.. it could not be pasted.. a bit pissed.. cause the whole thing which i spent hours typing and putting all my emotions inside is gone... haha...

but seems that it gave me a chance.. a chance to forgive and forget... not sure if i am able to do that but i think its just fate... memories., especially those bad ones, should not be kept inside your mind and corrupt your beautiful life right... but somehow when i saw them today again, i just could not stop myself from feeling sick...

well.. i think i shall stay positive!! i love my class... everyone except that 2... if they could just change their attitude.. i may accept them like everyone else... hope so... i was taught 以德报恩, 以直报怨.. i should just use the right way to repay any grudges instead of revenges...

DLXD TDD~

2010-04-24T19:56:00.007+08:00

OUTING WITH WARRIORS!!

today went out with warriors to Sakura.. haha.. its was mdm goh, ms wong and RG's treat~ haha.. thanks=) i a bit paiseh.. cause i was the only graduated there and the rest were like juniors and renping.. haha.. i still feel like home when i am with the warriors... they just gave me the no-stress feelings... SO TODAY IS A HAPPY DAY=)

DLXD TDD~

2010-04-16T23:46:00.002+08:00

CCHY WUSHU WARRIORS DONE US PROUD AGAIN!!

hahaha... our B girls clinched another 2 medals for 2 group events, jiti quan and jiti jian!!! so proud of them... i knew they can make it.. think i had been thinking too much of this competition also until i dreamt they already won their medals yesterday night.. but it turn out that they did even better than what happen in my dreams!!! hahaha..

early morning in class i hardly could concentrate as i kept thinking whether had they left school, reach the place, warmed up and when they starting the competition... waa... when the first news came i was SO happy!! it was even better when the second came in as well... hahaha.... if only i could be present there as well..

thanks to PTM today... SC had to stay back for duties till 9.30pm.. talking about this.. i seriously think that CCHY PB had been doing a very good job when comes to duties.. in term of planning, self disciplines (include not only attire, but attitude of serving duties which i will touch on later) and of course behavior during the duty itself...

i was highly DISAPPOINTED when one girl from SC (apparently she does not takes this duty seriously or she just have no sense of profession in this job) give a shit attitude when discharging her duty as an usher at the side gate..

she was standing SO sloppy, leaning against the wall when she is in her ties and portraying her image as a SC... shame on her... before the duties start i told my group the expectations of a SC should have when discharging their duty, by standing smart, standing straight is the minimum you can do... i reminded her a few times but she just gave me the cannot be bothered face and say " can you don't be so what a not"... what i feel like saying is " you are so not fit to be a member of SC"

weak self portraying and bad attitude.. how can you expect this kind of person to lead the student body when she can't even lead herself to be a good role model?? it does not matter whether how big or small the duty is, the self image is a very important issue to see what kind of person you are.. people who KNOW that they are a SC,WILL portray themselves well and respectable...

lets compare to CCHY PB... duties are taken seriously no matter how small it is, it was discharged with PASSION AND RESPONSIBILITY... as our motto goes "TO SERVE WITH HONOUR AND DIGNITY", i am proud to say that what CCHY had done is and will always be the best in my heart!!

so today, 75% of my heart is filled with HAPPINESS!!! for out B girls to get awards... 25% goes to the disappointment and unhappiness on meeting such a person...

DLXD TDD~

2010-03-26T20:14:00.004+08:00

Taiwan trip 2006

this week past rather fast... get to use computer on friday~ haha.. manyun was saying that she was watching the Taiwanese drama... haha.. that's my entertainment too~ haha.. no brain jokes.. laugh at the joke, enjoy looking at jerry yan do the funny faces... ella act cute.. haha!!!

did quite some reflections recently on a lot of things.. character wise, attitude wise.. and in term of commitments... felt that my studies was not really good even when its only term 2 of school.. so even if i am officially a member of SC, will i just be like low profile or should i take up more jobs? other people is like so enthu about taking up jobs..

it was like i was back in Secondary 1.. all so enthu about work.. but for the batch of people under mdm yeo.. hahaha... i think we are just "grown up" to fight for these things already? same as anna.. i somehow lost interest in getting any rank.. we are used to have those serious planning of events that "snatching" of jobs is not what we want to do anymore...

talking about secondary 1.. hahahaha!!! i my Chinese was studying 城南旧事-爸爸的花儿落了... they showed us the movie.. memories came rushing into my mind!!!! haha... i love that time... went to Taiwan for immersion programme... have the secondary 2 seniors to take care of us.. people like SHUHUI SONGRONG EDWARD MICHAL HUINENG HONQI ELTON ETC!! i love that song too.. memories... its just so nice~ photo on top~

wushu warriors!! if you guys happen to see this, please be noted that as promise, there will be a wushu chalet at the end of the year.. held in December.. don't think its still early!! i need time to plan one~ haha.. moreover i am in JC now so i have to spend more time on studies...

WUSHU WARRIORS!!! DO THE TEAM PROUD IN THE COMPETITION!!!! I HAVE FAITH IN YOU ALL!!!

DLXD TDD~

2010-03-22T18:59:00.002+08:00

i hate that bastard!!!! bloody hell... this time is my first time use vulgar to scold someone on my blog.. sorry doraemon but i jut hate that bastard... he is going to pissed me off anytime and when that happens... i don't know what will happen to him... don't play with a warrior.. he may just kill you bastard!

i am starting to hate things around me.. even those people in my class... i hate the school... hate the guy who try to make fun of me... you choose a wrong person... i am not those will take in everything and kept quiet... you try saying me one mroe time and you will go back home in broken limbs... I AM WARNING YOU!

hate is a very strong word to use.. but i just cannot help it... i hate that guy in my class... he is underestimating me man.. he think he bloody retain big arh... HE IS JUST A BLOODY BOOT LICKING SHAMELESS BASTARD WHO DOES NOT LEARN... for goodness sake.. YOU ARE THE DOG... the ignorant dog who does not know who is the boss... if you happen to see this.. i am warning you... one more time you irritate my ear, i will have your mouth shut by my foot!

there won't be anyone who will "borrow" someone correction tape and finish it.. going back to the person and ask if i still need the cover... WTF! where is your shame... you sure don't have any pride... are you that poor?!?! at least poor people have pride not to finish other people's thing without permission... YOU DISGRACE 1011B!!! DISGRACED EVERYONE YOU KNOW

don't test your luck or my patience... i don't like to hit people... especially people like you.. i mean dogs like you... dirty my hand.. so just stay out of my sight!! and if you openly welcome me to hit a dog, i won't hesitate... you get it DOG?!?!

DLXD TDD~

2010-03-09T21:14:00.003+08:00

this blog is getting more and more dead.. not because i never update.. its because i have been using it to voice out my unhappiness nowadays...

have i got over about not getting to NYJC? or is it that i just don't like to admit that i am feeling lonely here... not because i don't have friends, but i miss the old days... i miss my classroom.. my tables.. and my neighbours who sits around me everyday... everyday there was like so memorable..

now i feel like i am not the usual me.. i don't feel that i am behaving the way i like.. the crazy and fun loving me... why didn't i feel the way i felt when i first entered CCHY back then? i hope to find myself again... even if my temper have to come back with me..

IJC can be fun.. but those people in my class have other good friends to hang out with when they are outside lesson... my comet is just those not that hyper one.. and i don't have a CCA yet... getting into SC is so not fun... i actually rather campaign alone myself than having a team... that's not the usual me... but i just don't really like to work with people i don't know... maybe if i am in NYJC things will be different.. all my friends are around.. that makes me feel a lot better...

people say:" having no goal in life is far worse than not achieving one".. but i believe in " BOTH HAVING NO GOALS AND NOT ACHIEVING THEM ARE UNBEARABLE!!!" if one could not achieve their goals.. whats the point of setting one.. though the Olympic creed mentioned that it is not the triumph and conquer but the taking part that matters, i still think that no one will not want to have the triumph right? (remember i had a mini debate with PX about this topic.. hahahaha.. at Nepal)

so my point for this entry is quite meaningless actually.. just feel a bit too lonely here... don't get to live the way i like... people around are pressurizing me on and off... don't think that i am very happy here... felt that i am just using this place as a dead place where i can follow up to university and meet my friends again... hope that this 2 year will affect anything... seriously...

PS. manyun you said you will help me update the blog.. liar~ anyway.. HOPE WUSHU TEAM DO WELL IN THE UPCOMING COMPETITION IN APRIL!!! i will plan a chalet for you all at the end of the year... promise=)

DLXD~ TDD

2010-01-28T17:46:00.002+08:00

first day of re-open...
i got posted into Innova JC and my life there was ok for a start... the school is lovely=) serious.. but it is just not the place for me... the whole morning i was kind of moody until after lunch my mood starts to cheer up... mass dance was fun=)

the whole morning were full of talking by various teachers about subject combination... follow by a series of orientation ice breakers and cheers, games etc.. standard first day life in schools... IJC has higher percentage of students who are Malays and Indians.. and there were quite a number of angmohs.. haha.. being a student from CCHY like 4 years, this is somehow new.. haha.. and i am a bit not used to have many other races around me anymore... but if it is NYJC, maybe the feeling will be like in CCHY...

i felt kind of depressed when i know that i missed out the orientation in NY.. even if i am posted there, i won't be able to feel and experience what the others had... i will not get to learn the NY dance or what so ever other things... heard that they are going to the Sentosa tomorrow.. its a mixed feelings... a mixture of envy and left out... a mixture of jealous and loneliness...

heard that many people went there at 2pm today to see the principal for appeal.. i never really heard there is such a chance to meet principal there.. why didn't i got noticed about the appeal thing... still the same 2 words.. left out...

do you know how it feels to cover your sad emotions by saying a lot of things that you are not sure in and pretend to be confident? those lies are just meant to make me sound ok... when i heard about the meting principal, it was a real blow... i hope that person can understands it.. doubt she will read my blog and understand that i am talking about her... first day of school gone... hope i won't be moody tomorrow..

DLXD TDD~

2010-01-11T21:35:00.006+08:00

didn't expect this post to be such a moody one... don't really have mental preparation for this...

as you all know, O level result was released this morning and its obvious that those using this tone for their entry sure have a result they don't wish for... it has been a long day and i was about to settle my mood but since i want to blog, i shall just say what i had in mind for the whole day...

everything went quite well.. except for combine humans.. that one did not perform as what i had in mind... social studies and chinese lit... i felt apologetic for not doing well for that subject... but at the same time i am somehow blaming the damn grades which pulls me down... its a bad feeling...
a bad and mixed feelings...

i had never wanted to get some stupid single digit... what i want is just a simple 11.. but well.. thanks to CH... don't understand why this subject will pull me down so much... seriously i don't really want to accept the truth...

i feel so far apart from my friends.. no matter how badly they think they scored i still feel a big big gap between us... all got their expected result.. their targets were forever high above mine and they got it... just why can't i? i just don't get it...

when they got their results, all were laughing away... talking to each other with happily... i just felt that i have to move aside and not disturb their happy moments.. who would want to see a moody face? after all they get their good results... they earn it... i don't have any rights to spoil their day by showing my moody face...

since primary school... last 10 in my class was a usual position... never expect myself to do as well as the others.. but the feeling that everybody, all of your friends, did better and you are the only guy unhappy about your results, 'left out' is the only word i can find for myself...
immersed into their happy moments of their life, the only guy that stand aside is always alone... it hurts a lot when others say what they going to get or going to do since they get their expected result... serious... i doubted some of the people will ever feels the pain... always thought that in secondary school i may get out of this vicious situation... did not expect to be the same...

i can seriously tell myself.. i had studied well... i am just not that smart... those beside me will say "hey cheer up.. the future is more important then now.. no point feeling sad about this..." or " ok arh your results..." just saying something.. sometimes the best way to show concern is to just stand aside and say nothing... by saying the futures is more important or whatsoever is nothing they want to hear... showing sympathy is also not what they want... a hug or a pat on the shoulder is the best to show that you are there and not boasting your results... at least it works for me...

felt like asking some friends their results but i am afraid that they did better and that will further disappoint myself.. but if i did better(possibility very low) i don't know how to handle that... should i just say ok lah no problem one... or should i just walk away?? its an awkward situation..

now i am lost of where to go.. NY will not accept results like mine.. guess i had to go different directions with my friends... i don't want to but if its meant to be like this.. no choice.. only blame myself for unable to catch up with them... i am lost now... seriously lost... i don't want to think of anything now... it will just accept my result slowly.. get over it and start over again... is not easy man... thinking of what school to go and what subjects to take is a big sad situation for me...

DON'T THINK SO MUCH!!!! tomorrow will be a better day=) i hope...

lastly... thank you ManYun=) for chatting with me when i really need it... thanks=) (thanks to her i got 2 mostique bites.. haha)
also.. thanks Firman and QG for the hug=)

DLXD TDD~

2009-12-13T19:31:00.002+08:00

for today... i overslept for swimming lesson!!!!
haha.. i was late by 10 minutes.. luckily the coach came at around that time too and our lesson ends at 10 minutes late.. so overall i am not really at loss... haha~

i somehow learnt free-style already so i will be proceeding to breast stroke next lesson... rp will be on a holiday so i will be alone with some other younger people.. i am the novice there anyway... not bad 2nd lesson and i learnt one style of swimming... but going to take another few more years maybe to master it...

today morning ls took her plane back to china.. that's why no one give me morning call... talking about trips.. that manyun also don't know when coming back... marvin going taiwan soon also... left ME in Singapore... haha... hope i have presents~ especially from that manyun.. hehe~

DLXD TDD~

2009-12-12T21:55:00.002+08:00

hey~ blog time...

so.. after fetching sister from the air port yesterday, its already 2am... she went to KL via budget air so we have to fetch her from the budget terminal... its really BUDGET... haha... the terminal is like nothing~ no decorations, no nothing!!! and worse it looks like those temporary shelter~ hahaha~

today morning i was kinda late.. i asked LS to morning call me at 7am but she called at 7.40am... i was late for the meeting for the "WALKAJOG" planning... i thought i was the last one... anna came later and said she totally forgotten about the meeting...

so the meeting starts at 8am while i left house at 8am... haha... cause i have to prepare a little bit for the outing with my friends after the meeting...

so today we( me ls qg sheryl ) went for a mini outing at the east side of Singapore... includes Escape, picnic and cycling... for the picnic, t was well done.. just that the food was "a bit" too much??

after that was an hour of cycle before playing at escape... played a while before going back home at 6++

Tired~~~

PS. manyun you better give me a present~ hahaha.. if not i tag your for free already

DLXD TDD~

2009-12-08T21:06:00.002+08:00

HEY PEOPLE~~~~

i think i shall blog again sometime... haha... anyway wushu outing was like fun yesterday=) cycling, playing at the playground and BBQ!!!

went through a lot to plan this outing... only i know what happen actually.. it was so not easy for this outing to be a successful one... i hope you guys had fun~
photos at the Alvin's face book~ ( i actually created an account too.. thanks to Sam Poon )

i think yesterday outing was better than last year's... haha.. hope you all can perform well in your competition next year and as promised i will plan another outing (like i promise that manyun for this year outing).. maybe 2 day 1 night chalet?

LASTLY!!!!

i purposely don't want remove the previous post about manyun one.. haha.. but it seems like she going to nag and nag at me so i shall be good and remove it... who call her ask me plan this outing let me enjoy myself... haha

Tottemo Daisuki DORAEMON~

2009-08-05T22:28:00.002+08:00

DEAD BLOG ! (:
hahaha. please mr , can you online and post please.
there are cobwebs all arnd.

thanks me for this okay. haha.

2009-05-03T12:01:00.002+08:00

haiz.. sian... long time never post anything up there... i think i lost my passion for blogging too.. although it is a bit fast, i think i don't really want to blog everyday.. and i also canot blog everyday due to my limited computer time.. so i should just be flexible and learn from qj.. blog in the weekends.. haha...

so what happen this 2 weeks? a lot i think but i lazy type... haha.. don't think i remember all too... for now i am starting on my revision... no more dating already... haha... no more going out.. maybe occasionally yes.. haha..

so yesterday went out for the whole day... at night me cw jav and qj went to marvin sister birthday party... not bad... at downtown east there... the high class country club.. cannot remember the name though.. haha.. went for an hour LAN before the party and went walking around the beach... haha... quite nice the food.. very very full...

we thought that the last train to woodlands is 2350... but when we reached at 2340, it said the train service ended... haha... i called my mum and she said wait for the first train... while the others said they had to go back no matter what.. haha.. so we took the last bus 39 to Yishun and took cw dad car back.. haha... fell flat after my bath..

going to slack a bit before start on my homework later... bye~~

Tottemo Daisuki DORAEMON~

2009-04-12T15:27:00.002+08:00

3 weeks had passed since i lasted posted... actually i wanted to post about the Nepal trip... but time is a serious limiting factor...haiz... so i shall post for the sake of posting something...

school was seriously boring... and busy... waited for ls to go home every time if we both stay back.... homework are measured in tonnes as usual.. examinations are coming real soon... and also.. i had been going on a saving spree as my bank account is going down real fast... no money...

wushu training as usual.. double every week... but in the end i did badly for my competition..not in top 10 anymore... last year in CCHY wushu team...going to miss the days here... wushu team had gone through quite a lot these days.. i will wonder, is the wushu team really going down in my hands? sometimes i felt that i am such a failure to get us together when coach is not around... the passion inside all of us is lost somewhere and i just cannot find it back... incidents happened one by one... and the team event is just this wednesday.. hope i really can achieve something in my 4 years here...

last week was kind of easy for me.. 3 days of school.. haha... Thursday is our annual sports day.. after that went out with ls to the singapore flyer... walked around and sent her home before i went back... friday is the celebration for xueying birthday... went to east coast picnic.. met a heavy downpour before we had our meal.. after that went to block 5 to celebrate my uncle's birthday...

yesterday went for training in the morning till late afternoon...went to gym for the first time with ls .. met glenn lee... he was like keep looking at us.. are you shocked? haha... went home after that for dinner... no one was at home.. so it was me and my maggie mee... haha...

going to finish my homework soon... i hope... if not no rest for me today.. still got tonnes of it left and numerous tests for me to revise on..

Tottemo Daisuki DORAEMON~

2009-03-14T15:41:00.003+08:00

HELLOS! (:
dun be shock.
hahas. i still rmb your password !

its your forth day at NEPAL alr. awww (:
i think your being tortured there bah. hah.
come back in one piece okay!
and ya, you are gonna miss my birthday lah!
bleah ><
but i want my present hor.
if not, HAHA!
i am going to tell everyone ur secret. heh.

i will TRY to give you your present when u come back luh.
yays. thats all.
i am so good to help u keep ur blog aliveeeee! XD

BUHBYEEE! (:

2009-03-08T14:22:00.002+08:00

for the second part of today's blog, i am going to talk about the rest of the week... haha

Sunday 1/3
stayed at home in the morning doing nothing... met qg at 4 to buy some of the things we need in the nepal trip.. so nothing much happen on that day... one thing, the 射雕英雄传that day is bloody hell boring.. haha...

Monday 2/3
results were out one by one... haiz... stayed in school for the YOG and international friendship day... nothing much actually... missed wushu that day.... also another boring day man...

Tuesday 3/3
more result were out... i had wushu... don't know why i was very agitated so i screwed everyone up... a lot of things happen that day la... after that had a talking session with KL.. he told me a lot of things actually...

reached home, had celebration for my father's birthday... haha.... something that we had not done in years... haha.. in my memory we had this event when i was still at me old house.. i was only 4 or 5 then.. in the middle of my dream i was called up by my fatheto celebrate my mum's birthday.. it was like so sweet... haha...

Wednesday 4/3
more results... haha... going to tally up my result later... haha... meeting here and there... full of meetings that day... so i shall skip this part...

Thursday 5/3
today we had an earlier school dismissal... haha.. the assembly is so short.. haha.. it is lame actually.. haha... after that for wushu.. the handsome coach coached us for that day.. haha.. he is good.. he managed to get control on us people... and mostly.. he is such a joker... haha.. at first he was strict.. in the end he joked around with us.. but he managed to make us do lot better...

Friday 6/3
POP!!!!! hahahaha... it has been 4 years since i had joined NCC... still remember the days where we were screwed by different sirs on the way till now... we met all sorts of different funny people... face sorts of funny problems... from flying in C130 to taxi-ing around in F-50.. hahaha...(did i remember the correct plane?) went for affirmation in Part A, Camp Feast in Part B, Specialist Course and shooting live range in Part C, finally PASSING OUT in Part D... haha.... 4 years.. i had enjoyed a lot... including the kayaking course.. when i become the PSK and junliang be the PLK.. haha=) although my rank is not what i had in mind when i started joining NCC, but never mind... i had great friends.. some are lively, some a bit KB.. along the way we may have arguments and quarrels... but never mind..we managed to pass out at least a 1SG.. threw our beret up and of course, bonded as AIR GUYS!!!!...

did not finished the celebration with them.. i had to go for another celebration... my godma's birthday... haha... and the next day is the celebration for my cousin's birthday... haha

Saturday 7/3
early morning went back to school for pre-departure briefing... after that had some basketball game and finally wushu... trained hard today... blue blacks everywhere on my knee with diameters of 5 cm long.. looks painful... haha..

after that went home as the party is at my house... i enjoyed myself till i fell asleep... haha.. to tired... the party ended liek around 1++... haha...

Sunday 8/3
stuck at home doing homework... going to repack my things for nepal trip later.. haha... i got tonnes of homework not completed yet.. haha... so... nothing much left... haha...

now i tally my CT results
Eng- 13.5/30(fail.. oops...)
Chi- 49/70 (A2)
Emath- 30/30(full marks!!!)
Amath- 24/35(B3)
Bio- 31.5/50(B4)
Chem- 36/50(A2)
Phy- 30/50(B4)
SS- 3/13 ( fail like mad)
C Lit- 8/25( also another fail one...)

L1R5- 21
L1R4 -12

Tottemo Daisuki DORAEMON~